Bullies and Boys With Long Hair

We were completely unaware of this topic when we started The Longhairs, or how important it would become.

For us it started with Arthur, whose mother Mae wrote us a letter about how he would get picked on by kids and harassed by adults for his long hair. But it was only after he was diagnosed with the rare Kawasaki Disease, and fought from life-threatening fevers, that his mother allowed him to grow his hair freely, after which he stormed through physical therapy and grew into a healthy, flourishing, talented boy with long, flowing locks.

Her letter was so heartwarming we were compelled to publish Arthur’s story on our website in our first article on boys with long hair, Little Guys With Long Hair.

Since then we’ve had a lot of moms write us. Some ask for tips and advice for dealing with their sons’ hair, but many have told us about their little boys being bullied and harassed.

They’ve turned to us looking for guys who are “cool,” to show their sons that lots of regular guys grow their hair out, and show them there’s a supportive community where it’s ok for boys to have long hair. Many of their comments can be found on Arthur’s post, but some were sent in direct emails or messages.

For all the moms who have written in, we know there are many other parents facing the same ordeals, the helpless feeling of knowing their little guy is out there getting bullied for being different.

This topic goes far deeper than bullying, from kids, adults and external expectations of parents, to forced cutting, gender norms, kids who grow their hair for donating to charity and much more.

In this feature we go beyond the bullies and boys with long hair, tackling these issues head-on, highlighting some of the key layers on the topic and showing what’s happening out there. Citing comments from moms who have written in, interviews, curated content from around the internet, outside research and our own experiences, we aim to shed light on this subject, open a discussion, and show all the boys out there they finally have a place to go.

Our goal is simply this: to help boys with long hair, their parents, outsiders, and the rest of the world see that it’s ok to be different.

#doitfortheboys

Bodi, Adin and Isaac

Our first example is from a March 2017 video that went viral when a young boy, Bodi, describes how kids make fun of him for his long hair. His father Isaac, who posted the video, asks him how it made him feel, to which Bodi replies, “It makes me sad,” but, “I let it roll off my back.”

Isaac goes on to explain to his son how lots of people get made fun of, including himself for his tattoos, but that just because you’re unique and don’t look like everyone else, doesn’t make you weird, or that being different is a bad thing. Bodi concludes that being different is a good thing, it means you think different from other people, to which his dad warmly encourages him.

In an interview with CBS News about the video, Isaac is quoted, “I want Bodi to understand that he can affect the way other people act as much as he can effect the weather, so don’t place your emotional well-being in the hands of other people.”

Turns out Bodi has a twin brother, Adin, both of whom are growing their hair to donate. You can visit the original Facebook post with over 200 comments here.

In her original letter to us, Arthur’s mom Mae describes his experience with bullies:

Kids who are his age and younger are fairly easy going about it; they mistake him for a girl no matter what he is wearing, but when he corrects them they move on with their day. Everyone plays, has a great time, and forgets about the hair.

Unfortunately, older kids, even if they’re only a year or two older, have a much different outlook. Some kids think it’s funny to keep calling him a girl, some insist only girls can have long hair so he must want to be a girl, and some tell him they are ‘creeped out’ by long hair on guys.

Fortunately, Arthur has a few responses when other kids harass him:

1) He reminds them that this is his body and he likes his hair the way it is. If they don’t like long hair, they don’t have to have it.

2) He reminds them that popular characters like Thor have long hair. And if they’re really rude, he reminds them that religious figures like Jesus had long hair, so either they’re just being rude or Jesus creeps them out.

She goes on to explain the difference when adults make comments to Arthur, including a specific instance we’ll come back to shortly.

In a comment on our website, ‘Mommy of Samson’ wrote to us:

There have been times he has gotten upset, because kids will relentlessly argue with him about his gender (I know, right?). But I remind him that both girls and boys can have short or long hair, and to use it as a reminder to not judge others by their appearance, but to get to know them for who they are on the inside.

Mica, another mom commenting on our website, writes:

The most annoying part for my youngest is not when they mistake him for a girl, which they almost always do, but when they then profusely apologize for getting it wrong. He’s like, “Got it, now we can all move on without all the apologies [insert eyeroll from him].”

In an interview for this piece, MeMarie explains what happened to her nephew:

My nephew wanted to be Captain Jack Sparrow [from Pirates of the Caribbean] when he was little, and he insisted his mother let him grow his hair. But when he got to grade school he did a complete 180 because of the bullies, and came home ready to cut it. No more long hair.

Then there’s Christian McPhilamy, a 6-year-old who was inspired to grow his hair by an advertisement for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, so he could donate it to kids with cancer. Despite being bullied about his hair for 2.5 years, he reached his goal of donating 10 inches to make wigs for children. More on donations later in this piece.

Mae tells us about her experience with a man at the grocery store:

When adults heckle him, I step in immediately. No kid should be confronted by rude, antagonistic adults! I remember an event that happened in 2014 that still burns me up. An elderly man was complimenting Arthur on his good behavior in a very long grocery line. He mistook Arthur for a girl and I quietly and politely corrected him. Most people just make an honest mistake – they’re so used to the overwhelming majority of long hair wearers being female that they jump right to that conclusion.

But this man…this man was so rude. He heard me, looked right at Arthur and told HIM, “tell your mom to cut your hair so you’ll be a real boy.”

You can read her response in the full post, but she wasn’t happy! She adds:

That jerk of a man was one of many, both men and women, who have taken it upon themselves to put their gender bias onto my son, but thankfully most people keep it between me and them. And I have no problem pointing out the utter ridiculousness of their bias.

In, 8 Things That Happen When Your Son Has Long Hair, Michelle Horton describes the comments she constantly hears with her son:

"Oh she's so pretty!" a wide-eyed man stopped me in the grocery store, genuine and sweet. I looked at my boy, dressed in a blue Transformers T-shirt and jeans, smiled and moved on.

My eye doctor looked at him and asked, "How old is she?"

The cashier at a local deli remarked on how adorable "she" is.

I've found that having a long-haired boy means struggling with whether to correct a stranger and engage in some awkward explanation/apology/reassurance, or to hope the person stops talking and moves on.

What we found interesting about these cases, is while we thought kids being bullied by kids would be the most pervasive problem, by far adults making comments to parents and their kids has been the most common scenario parents have told us about.

This is a horrifying video of a kid apparently named Dillon Grims, who is forced to cut his hair at a barber shop. It’s difficult to watch the agony unfold, but worse is how everyone in the room is treating it. The kids filming the video and the barber repeatedly antagonize him throughout the ordeal, unmoved by his pleading cries.

I have a personal experience with my hair being cut against my will.

When I was a freshman in high school I was on the JV football team. At the time I had a peculiar long hairstyle where most of my head was shaved, with the exception of the bangs in the very front, which were permitted to grow down past my chin, forming a “tail in the front,” of sorts. A curious choice perhaps, but it was my hair and I was into it.

I was a pretty small kid, 100 lbs with rocks in my pockets, maybe the smallest on the team. They called me Flea, an endearing nickname, but not one you’re gonna feel too fond about nonetheless.

One afternoon before a game, the older guys on the team surrounded me in the locker room, several grabbed me and physically held me down. As I fought and screamed in protest, one guy produced a pair of shears and ceremonially cut my tail off. They taped it above the exit doorway and everyone slapped it on the way out for “good luck,” and to them it was all in good fun.

Ok, it was only three or four inches of hair, but it wasn’t fun for me. I remember choking back tears as guys walked by callously reprimanding me to “suck it up Flea, it’s for the team,” and further antagonizing me now for my emotional response.

Trust me, when you’re 14 and having enough trouble as it is, the LAST thing you wanna do is cry in the locker room. I tried to hold it back, but it was a feeling of complete powerlessness, being physically restrained while having something taken from me that couldn’t be given back.

Then there are these guys who went around cutting people’s hair off. Turns out it was just a publicity stunt, the men whose hair they cut were in on it. In any case, we didn’t know that nor did we think it was funny, and we issued a response.

In all fairness they did publish an apology video, demonstrating how the “victims” were in fact friends and it was all an elaborate hoax, and the guy even cut off his mustache in apparent reparation.

Nonetheless, at the time we believed it to be true, and along with these instances there are surely others.

Boys should have short hair, play with trucks, GI Joes, wear blue, hunt, fish and play sports.

Girls should have long hair, play with dolls, tea sets, wear pink, cook, raise kids and take care of the household.

In a comment on our website, ‘Mommy of Samson’ reflects:

Now besides the journey of having a little man being called a girl almost on the daily, I myself as an adult, mother, and member of society, have learned a lot about our culture in general.

My son has gone through many phases during his little life of things he is into, such as Dora the Explorer, cooking, babies, and even a short lived My Little Pony phase. Now for some strange reason, those are a few of many things that are very much only manufactured for a specific gender, being female. And it makes me wonder, who on earth decided which gender should enjoy what? Why is pink only meant to be enjoyed by girls? And very obviously splashed all over everything that is meant to only be enjoyed by girls?

Who decided that little boys have to buzz their heads in order to be seen as masculine?
Or play with monster trucks?
Or with “action figures” instead of dolls?

Why does my little boy have to defend his masculinity because he has a long braid down his back?

Just questions I have asked myself and maybe we as a society should be asking. In my opinion [this] needs to be reevaluated, considering from the beginning of human existence men didn’t cut their hair, but somewhere along the line we have decided that it is no longer acceptable.

In January 2017 National Geographic published a special issue: Gender Revolution, an excellent collection of articles, studies, scientific research and interviews with children from around the world.

Without diving deeper than we need to here, there are a few notable articles in this special issue relevant to our topic.

In, “Girls, Boys and Gendered Toys,” Natasha Daly cites a study in which Sociologist Elizabeth Sweet analyzed more than 7,300 toys in Sears catalogs from the past century. Her findings showed that gender-targeted toys have ebbed and flowed since 1925. “Toy ads from the 1920s to the 1950s pushed traditional roles: the ‘little homemaker’; the ‘young man of industry.’”

The 1970’s saw a major decrease in gender-specific toys, attributed in part to the “second-wave feminist movement in full swing,” with “only 2 percent of toys in the 1975 Sears catalog marketed explicitly to boys or girls.”

In the 1980’s, however, with deregulation of toy advertising and the advancement of ultrasound technology, “gender distinctions resurged in children’s goods, especially clothing.” By the end of the 20th century, “the roles were simply more fantastical: The homemaker was the princess; the carpenter; the action hero.”

You can read Daly’s full article, where she considers the potential consequences of gender-targeted toys, but also offers signs things may be changing. It’s posted under an alternate title, “How Today’s Toys May Be Harming Your Daughter.”

In “Color Code,” Catherine Zuckerman describes South Korean photographer JeongMee Yoon’s “Pink and Blue Project,” where Yoon aims “to show the extent to which children and their parents, knowingly or unknowingly, are influenced by advertising and popular culture.”

“Blue has become a symbol of strength and masculinity, while pink symbolizes sweetness and femininity,” Yoon is quoted. Her polarizing photographs depict boys and girls, including her own daughter, in their respective bedrooms amongst all their clothing and possessions. For the girls it’s overwhelmingly pink; for the boys, blue.

The article asserts the United States has played a significant role in the gender-color identification, “fueled by the pervasive color palettes of Barbie, superhero movies, and other staples of American childhood.”

You can find Zuckerman’s full article and Yoon’s project under the alternate title, “Pink and Blue: Coloring Inside the Lines of Gender.”

While neither of these articles speak directly to boys with long hair (or girls with short hair, for that matter), the themes are easily linked, and this groundbreaking special issue in NatGeo thoroughly and fearlessly tackles these and a full spectrum of gender issues.

In other examples of parents questioning traditional pre-established gender norms, Michelle Horton writes:

Having a long-haired little boy means inevitably explaining gender norms and why, exactly, people think he's a girl. It highlights how young these gender stereotypes and identities start, and how effortlessly they're drilled into our littlest kids' minds.

On our website, Brittany commented:

My five-year-old daughter’s hair is the exact same length [as my son’s] and no one ever says it should be cut “to get it out of her eyes.”

I was at the store with just my nine-month-old daughter and an older lady came up and said, “What a cute girl. She is a girl, right? Nowadays, you can’t tell.” I nodded and smiled, fully aware that she was talking about boys like my son.

He is happy, he is healthy, and he is loved. He doesn’t need his hair cut to match his genitals for the sake of people in the grocery store. They don’t need to know. It doesn’t bother me. I’m not offended when they can’t tell. I’m not offended if they guess incorrectly. It only bothers me when they tell him or me to cut it.

A family known by the lovable moniker, ‘Chloe and Beans’ created a notable Facebook page and YouTube channel featuring their family’s fun yet hectic lives with six kids.

On Facebook the family posted, ‘LITTLE BOYS HAIR 101,’ a list of various observations and comments about having three boys with long hair. A few of it’s points:

Sometimes people tell us it needs to be cut off because it's too heavy, uncomfortable, too hot or unclean when it's long; if that's the case, I'm just wondering why we shouldn't shave girls' hair off too? Is it because boys are allowed to be more comfortable than girls? And girls should sacrifice comfort for aesthetics?

Imagine your daughter says "I want to grow my hair!" And then you say "TOO BAD" And shave it off while they scream and cry. Would that be nice? I don't think it would be.

I have no problem with people simply assuming wrongly that my boys are girls. It happens 99.9% of the time when we are out and I just say, "oh, they're actually boys" and the kind people say "oh okay, oops!" and the [jerks] say "BOYS? ARE YOU SURE?" ...Yes I'm sure.

Whatever your disposition, the comments and the information presented raise questions, some of which are answered in the research, but many which aren’t:

And maybe the most important question for us, from ‘Mommy of Samson,’

Why does my little boy have to defend his masculinity because he has a long braid down his back?

We don’t have the answer to that one. But I know some guys who’ll be willing to help.

On one side we have seen people questioning parents for letting their boys grow long hair. And of course there are many parents who simply won’t allow it.

There may be plenty of good reasons why. Every parent has their own upbringing, biases, experiences and beliefs. In most instances, parents just want what’s best for their kids.

Mae even said before Arthur grew his hair out,

I didn’t want him to have to face bullies, to be questioned by adults, to be judged for his choices…

Who can’t respect a parent who wants what’s best for their son?

On the other hand, there’s the camp who believes it is their kids’ hair, and therefore it is the kid’s choice.

Brittany feels it’s her son’s decision:

I haven’t cut it because it isn’t my body/choice. When it comes to healthy, safety, etc. I step in. But just stereotypical aesthetics? I absolutely allow autonomy. The day he asks for his hair cut, his hair will be cut. Personally, I can’t wait. I don’t grow his hair out for ME. I don’t enjoy the extra work of conditioning and detangling a mop on an octopus. But I can’t bring myself to pin him down and force him to undergo a haircut that he doesn’t want for no good reason.

Shayna feels similarly:

I’m surprised people have so many questions, like “when am I gonna cut it,” and “how long am I gonna let it grow?” I just tell them it’s his hair, as long as it’s not distracting at school he can do what he wants with it. Now he’s learned how to brush it and take care of it, it’s his responsibility and he can handle it.

Also, because I’m a stylist there’s a presumption I’m dictating his hair length. If it was up to me I wouldn’t keep his hair like that! It’s his hair, he can do what he wants with it.

‘Chloe and Beans’ posted:

My 3yo and 4yo boys have told me they want to grow their hair, why shouldn't they be able to? Some kids don't like having their hair cut. My kids don't like having their hair cut. They get really upset about it actually. I don't want to upset my children.

And Michelle Horton writes:

"Don't cut it," he pleaded last summer. "I want to grow it long, like John Lennon. PLEASE MOM, PLEASE!"

I was quick to cut his baby hair, and then to buzz his toddler hair, but who am I to argue? He likes to twirl his hair before falling asleep, and he wanted to see how it would look. And so we went for it.

So whose choice is it? At the end of the day, we’re not here to answer that question. But doing your chores definitely won’t hurt.

In a recent news story that went viral, the Kannisto family with SIX BOYS, along with their mother, Phoebe, cut their hair for Children with Hair Loss, donating over 17 feet in total amongst them.

In another video, then 10-year old Damian Carrano shares how he started growing his hair after meeting a girl with ocular cancer who couldn’t grow hair. He describes getting bullied by the football team and in Mixed Martial Arts training, but he completed his mission to grow it out and cut it for kids with cancer.

Tyler Boone grew his hair for two years and cut it specifically for his friend with alopecia: Boy Grows Hair for 2 Years, Donates to Friend With Alopecia

Earlier you saw Christian, who despite being bullied grew his hair for 2.5 years and donated it. There was also Bodi, growing his hair to donate along with his twin brother Adin.

With these there are hundreds more stories of boys, men and women growing their hair in acts of kindness and compassion.

Boys are getting bullied for having long hair.

Many times it’s by other kids, but seemingly more often by adults. And for some reason elderly men at grocery stores appear to be notorious perpetrators. In some cases kids are even getting their hair cut against their will.

Parents have found themselves having to answer questions about the length of their sons’ hair. In some instances they’ve felt the need to defend their sons from more aggressive comments.

Gender norms are a pervasive influence in our culture, to which kids are exposed from birth. This certainly has an impact on many aspects of their lives, perhaps far deeper than we understand.

Some parents are down for the long hair. Some aren’t. Some say it is their kids’ choice, others will enforce stricter grooming guidelines. Each has their own prerogative and the right to raise their children in the best way they see fit. In either case, it’s not for others to question.

There are a lot of kids out there with big hearts, and hell if we shouldn’t encourage them to perform acts of kindness, compassion and selflessness, often in the face of bullies, harassment and ridicule.

Hats off boys, we encourage and support you in your cause. Because contrary to popular opinion, Longhairs Do Care, which is the name of our charity outreach program where we donate $1 from every sale to charity.

Not only that, in March, 2019, with help from sponsors, hair professionals, volunteers and hair donors, The Longhairs broke the Guinness World Record for the largest hair donation in history, with 339 pounds of hair and over $25,000 donated to Children With Hair Loss.

It was The Great Cut, and we're doing it again in 2024.

Who Are These Longhairs?

The Longhairs is a global fraternity for men with long hair. We publish tips and tactics for guys with locks, interview successful professionals with flow, and celebrate men’s long manes with hair whips and high fives.

Advocate. Educate. Celebrate. Because long hair...long hair lives in the heart.