Mom of a Longhair

In Advocate by Tina13 Comments

As the mom of a young man long hair, I have heard many comments over the years since my son started growing his hair out at the age of nine.

“What’s with the hair?”

“When are you going to make him cut his hair?”

“What do other people think about his hair?”

“Is your child a boy or girl?”

 

And then there were the looks – looks of judgment, astonishment, confusion, disgust. It has not been an easy road being the mom of a longhair. It was hard hearing other kids call him a girl, yank on his locks, and give him a hard time. I had to control my “mama bear” and just let it go.

And then there were the adults who were “nicer” and would just make comments behind my back. One adult in a leadership position who was supposed to be a role model even teased him. Mama bear had to get papa bear involved to make sure that stopped. It did, and the man sincerely apologized and was genuinely embarrassed by the way he acted.

“It’s just hair, what’s the big deal?”

If I have learned anything being the mom of a longhair, it is that my son’s hair is a big deal. It is something that identifies him and sets him apart. It is something he has spent many hours learning how to take care of. It is something he is passionate about and likes to educate other guys about. It is something that has helped him build his confidence.
 

Your son wants to grow his hair out, what do you do?

1. Let him give it a try!

My son started growing his hair out because he and his older brother had a rock band. He was the drummer. I thought it might be a cool look for the band. I thought maybe it was just a phase. I was wrong.

2. When it seems to be a long term goal, support him.

Listen to him vent when others tease him and remind him that most people poke fun when they wish they had what you had or were brave enough to do what you were doing. This has been one of my favorite things because we have had many great, bonding conversations. Instead of being a bone of contention, it is something that brought us closer.

3. Set clear guidelines for grooming.

His dad and I required him to keep his hair clean, combed, and to get a trim every so often. This was a reasonable request, and he had no problem complying because this was something he really wanted. Kids need to take care of things they really want.

4. When getting a trim, be sure the person doing the trim understands the goal.

This was a huge mistake on my part the first time we went for a “trim.” I did not specify how much to trim, and she took it upon herself to “cut” a lot more off than I intended. A “trim” means something different to everyone. This made for some rough times and a little distrust after that ordeal.

The moral to the story of being the mom of a longhair is to remember that there is much more at stake than your son’s hair and what people think about it. Genuine lessons about life, love, and perseverance can be learned by both mom and son.

 

Meet Tina

Tina is the mother of El Valiente, a spirited member of The Longhairs community. She’s an English teacher by day and loves to take care of her family and friends by night. She loves Christian’s long hair, but she would be ok without him leaving his comb, brush, and hair serum on the kitchen counter and the extra hair in the shower drain.

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Are you a mom of a young man or boy with long hair? What’s your experience been like?
We’ve got lots of other content about little guys with long hair. It’s right over here.

Comments

  1. dear Tina,
    congratulations for you have accepted, then defended the hairy choice of your son
    it was not easy for, before puberty, it is difficult gender a child , and we usually use the haircut for doing it; mistakes are inevitable as for longhair boys, a for short haired girls…i commit some, and i apologize each time
    criticism in name of usual norms or religious rules is unacceptable for everybody is free and the only owner of himself and we must protest of that freedom
    in Europe you should have less criticism, but i’ ve recently meet in a muslim neighborhood of Lille a mother, strict muslim wearing her hijab, with two longhaired boys ( around 18 monthes short bob and 4 years old mid back ponytail); i’ ve supposed they were girls ( and apologize), then asked if their longhair are well accepted; she answered that for the 4 years old, it was difficult at school were he was accused by other kids being gay ( strictly forbidden in islam…), and that is also subject of harassment to the mother by family and neighbor in the name of a tradition
    but, as you, that mother defends the choice of her sons
    and the rules you give are absolutely ” de salubrité publique” for any longhair…and each stylist ( the most part want cut each hair at the shortest length possible, men and women)

    and i add, for those who are scarred for the gender identity of the longhair boy, that if, passed 6 years old, he sees himself as a future husband and father, there is no risk; the most time, he is only claiming equal rights between men and women, and using that freedom on his haircut !!!
    and no more risk for his future sexual orientation !!!

  2. My grandson has beautiful long hair and I’m so proud of him and the way he takes care of his long locks.

  3. I happen to love Christian and his long hair. What truly defines him is his brilliance, his gentleness and his humor. He is a wonderful asset to the world and THAT is what his legacy will be. His long hair is just so cool tho!

    1. Author

      So true! His long hair is a unique physical characteristic and does not define who he is. There is so much more to that boy than meets the eye! Isn’t that true for all of us? Sometimes what we see on the outside prevents us from getting to know the true person.

  4. It’s sad that our kids have to deal with rude, and sometimes downright cruel comments from their peers and even adults. My son is 3 and a half and will be starting preschool this year and I’m already dreading the bullying. It’s bad enough hearing criticism directed at me for my son having waist length hair. I am so scared that bullying will result in my son not liking school once it becomes directed at him. I refuse to allow people to hurt him, but it’s hard to always be there to defend him especially since we live in a small rural town where “gender norms” are expected, for example: boys have short hair, girls have long hair and god forbid it’s any other way then your kid is clearly gay (I wouldn’t love him any less if he was) *eyeroll*
    Despite whatever anyone else may think, his hair is his and his only. He loves his hair and is happy and that’s all that matters.

    1. Author

      Yes, it is sad. I pray he will not be subjected to bullying and that he will tell you and his teachers if this is happening so it can be handled.

    2. dear Kelsey,
      your son will be interrogated on his hair length by the other childrens in school; normal for it is not the norm
      and the teacher will have to answer that the difference between boys and girls is that boys have a penis to urinate, the girls no; in a few years, boys will get beard and a lower voice, and girls will get breasts, and hair length is inly a personal choice of hairdressing
      if you are bullied in the name of the religion, you ought ask the parson to explain that the sense of the faith is first to improve the way of thinking, and not to regulate what people have on their heads
      you can also answer that in the Holy Bible, there is not only Paul Corinthians, but also Samson, and Martin Luther gave us the freedom to interpret the scriptures !!!
      and, as i’m also a christian, i pray the Lord
      qu’ il vous bénisse, votre fils et vous, et qu’ il éclaire les imbéciles…

  5. What a great attitude you have. I struggled a long time with the rude comments toward my little longhair. It even caused me to second guess myself. But as he has gotten older, and can make decisions for himself, he makes it very clear that HE does not want to cut his hair, and that is all this mama needed to know. 😉
    To be honest, I don’t even notice when people mistake him for a girl anymore, we just correct them(or not) and move on. It really isn’t all that big of a deal.
    Thank you for the article, and being a fellow supporter of a long-haired boy.

    MOS

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