Michael Bolton

Top 3 All-Time Christmas Longhairs

In Celebrate by El Rubio1 Comment

On this fine Christmas Day we pay tribute to 3 of our favorite Longhairs associated with Christmas. We didn’t actually identify more than three Christmas Longhairs, but it’s highly doubtful any others would crack the top three.

By all means, if you disagree, please do share.

#3. Michael Bolton

Not to be confused with the shorthaired guy from that funny movie, our #3 spot is secured by acclaimed recording artist Michael Bolton, for his smash-hit holiday record, “This is the Time.” Despite reaching as high as #11 on the charts with over 2.5 million units sold, you’ve never heard of this album.

Nevertheless the cover features Bolton’s excellently situated low platinum ponytail with just the perfect surface area for catching falling snowflakes. Well done, Bolton. We’re proud of you.

Michael Bolton

The Runner-Up: Santa Claus

More often recognized in highly-esteemed beard circles, Santa was an underdog in this race despite being arguably the most globally-recognized symbol for Christmas.

It should be noted that many likenesses of Santa do not appear with long hair. Those are all, clearly, wrong. Santa obviously has long hair. How else would he get laid by Mrs. Claus? Guess what: it’s not the reindeer.

For those snow-white flowing locks, venerable disposition, and his status as a legendary international Christmas icon, jolly ole St. Nick comes in at #2 on the All-Time Christmas Longhair countdown.


And the #1 All-Time Christmas Longhair: Jesus

Topping virtually every longhair list, JC is our #1 All-Time Christmas Longhair. Imploring mankind to be more like him, what better effort could we make than the sacrifice and commitment required to blanket our shoulders with flowing tresses? Interpreted loosely, the Bible tells us we should grow our hair out.

Whatever your beliefs, it’s hard to argue anyone else could pull this one out.

By virtue of the Christmas holiday literally being created to celebrate his birth, and for that humble yet renowned wavy brown shag, Jesus has a lock on the #1 All-Time Christmas Longhair.

That pretty much seals up the top three spots, but if you think you have a contender let us know in the comments.



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