Unique Problems For Guys With Long Hair – An Illustrated Edition
Some painful, some humiliating, we’re proud to present this graphically illustrated edition of long hair problems for men.
UPDATE: over 190 comments documenting long hair problems from around the globe. Add yours to the comments!
Worse Than Your Last Pair Of Underwear
You’ve got a sales meeting in 30 minutes and your navigation calls for a 27-minute drive. This is a “hair tied up” occasion, but out of the 50-pack of boring regular black hair ties you bought last week, there are approximately ZERO left.
Rummaging desperately through your girlfriend’s drawers, you find a single, sickening option available to you: a hot pink scrunchie.
Involuntary Hair Removal
One of the more painful long hair problems, ripping a chunk out of your hairline attempting to remove your sunglasses.
Not Yoga Chill
Congratulations. You just breathed, stretched, accepted, felt, humbled, expressed gratitude and showed appreciation to your body, mind and spirit. You’ve earned...Svasana.
Except you can’t rest for shit because your hair is tied up and you can’t put your head down squarely on the yoga mat, even though all the women in class seem to be managing just fine. Same problem on a bench press.
Heavy Surf
Things have been going great since the zipper incident. You’ve caught eight waves and you’re paddling back out, but you surfaced with a heavy, soaking-wet face blanket, so you didn't see the sleeper wave that slammed you, knocked you off your board and nearly lost the GoPro.
Cycling With Obscured Vision
One of several very dangerous long hair problems, the slightest glance away at mach speed can be catastrophic, looking back to find yourself riding into oncoming traffic with hair pasted to your face.
The Oil Change
We’re men, we change our own oil. Or at least find ourselves under a vehicle occasionally, which is great until you realize your hair is floating in a stagnant pool of contaminated motor oil.
Preparing and Consuming Meals
Actually Getting Catcalled
Among the more humiliating long hair problems, you finally got a date with that girl from the women’s hair care aisle. You’re laughing it up and things couldn’t be going better, until the punk waiter approaches from behind with a flirtatious greeting,
“Helllloo ladies…oh.”
Category 5 Tropical Hair Storm
You’ve got tickets to the big game, but you have to ride with a guy you kind of just met. It’s cool, until you’re forced to ask him, over the pre-game radio show, “dude, do you mind if we ride with the windows up?”
Dipping Your Hair In Your Beer
Rounding out our illustrated long hair problems, dunking your mane into a perfectly crisp and refreshing beer. Don’t worry, it’ll still getcha drunk.
Just when you thought you'd seen all the long hair problems, there are hundreds more in the comments. Hard to say which is most heinous, but there's some comfort in knowing you're not alone.
Comments
Just happened today and is the reason why I’m opening this email ha:
When you have to lock up or unlock your bicycle and your luscious men’s tail flails infront and God forbid gets a hair gets snagged in between the lock and the bike as you lean back up; Lost a strand today. 🥲🚲💙
OUCH lol
You all got a problem with your long hair. Shut up and cut it.
hahaha mmmmmmmmmmmm NAH!
The worst I’ve experienced is working under a car on a creeper and getting your hair caught in one of the casters. Now you have to try to make sure you roll back on the exact opposite direction so you can free your hair, otherwise you’ll be forcefully extracting yourself from that caster while leaving a chunk of your mane behind, and that’s IF you’re lucky enough to not have the caster do a 180 on you while rolling around with your hair stuck in it. A tight top knot is an absolute necessity in this situation, and I like to also add a head band just for good measure.
I like it tailed in the back,
and Id make a Yugly women. Like Really.
But i get the Yes Maam like, all the time.
Even when they see my stubbled face…
Then there’s seat backs that are too tall,
and my drop gets trapped in the back and yanks my head if i dare try to look down.
SO, Always keep looking up! 😉
The dreaded shower ‘sheddage’ making its way onto my member and unintentionally using one of the strands as a “cigar cutter” when I try to pull it away when drying off. Happens damn near everytime… I can’t be the only one. The one’s in the crack hurt too, especially when tugging on the azz hairs.
My worst was running it over with a mechanics creeper. After escaping from under the car I had to carry the thing around while separating my flow from the creeper’s wheel.
Absolutely the car window being down! I’ve always hated it, the noise and the blasts of wind smacking me in the face, but with long hair the flyaways or the whole mane gets whipped around my face. Annoying to the highest level.
I have a problem with hair being pulled out by the root occasionally in the most random (and embarrassing) way. Anyone one else have any “involuntary hair removal” examples?
Car door!
While a lot of long hair problems are solvable, with most of the solutions involving hair ties, I have been encountering one that seems unavoidable, and again involves hair ties. When I remove them, regardless of the brand with Scüncis being the worst, I have at least one strand that is stuck, so instead of pulling it out, I give myself a little DIY trim.
And I have one more problem that’s happened to me, and is the reason why I have been increasingly wearing the segmented tail (snake) even though I think the braid (rope) looks better. After braiding my hair, I would find at the end a wad of loose hair. I hate that.
Two for jiu jitsu. Trying to defend being choked by your opponent, while subsequently gagging on the few strands that made it out of the top knot, and the dreaded embarrassment of an opponent gagging on strands that were previously ripped out.
Car window problem – hair blowing around with window down. Roll up window and hair gets caught in the closed window, reducing head mobility. Family laughs as your hair waves in the wind outside the car as you try to roll window down and retrieve your wild mane. (I hope a comment from a woman is ok.)
Sudden wind gusts are a pain when your hair isn’t tied back and/or pinned.
The biggest pain, though, is people touching my hair without my permission. At a business luncheon last year, a fellow I know a little–but not well–kept reaching for my hair, which was in a ponytail. I moved away from him. He said, “Ah jes’ wanted to tug on it.” I told him I knew, and not to do it. That is so creepy!
How do I keep my scalp healthy?
Use good, high quality shampoo. Checkout our stuff…
I have dealt with the oil change to many times to count even if you pull it up somehow you still manage to get it In there.
Every Time!!!