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The Fine 15 (of Flow): Longhairs in the NFL, 2018 Edition
Long Hair in the NFL: 2018 EDITION
It’s finally here, boys: NFL kickoff. Fantasy season has started and you’re late on your dues. You haven’t watched any of the trades in the offseason, and you have no idea why everyone is so pumped on some guy named “Gurley.”
Don’t worry, El Commish has your back. And I can tell you one thing, “Gurley” doesn’t shop in the women’s hair care aisle.
It’s that time of year when you know for sure what you’re doing every Sunday. Football is back, baby, and until February 3 we are in full swing. That’s why we’re back with the top longhairs in the NFL, with a countdown to the Fine 15 in 2018.
There is a surplus of epic flows and manly manes this year, so narrowing down the list was no small task. But before we dive into our handpicked top 15 of the 2018 NFL Season, rest assured EL COMMISH scoured and scrubbed the rosters of every team in the National Football League (why do analysts insist on saying it that way??) to bring you the most comprehensive list of longhairs in the NFL, graded by QOF (Quality Of Flow).
Active Players With Long Hair in the NFL
We can’t wait to see our favorite longhairs in the NFL take the field this season. Here’s who to look for on the gridiron.
15. Chad Wheeler - N.Y. Giants
This rookie offensive tackle is a seasoned long haired veteran. Coming in hot from pancaking 19 y/o’s at USC to protecting short-hair football royalty, Chad has plenty on his plate. We believe there’s nothing he, or his hair can’t accomplish.
14. Todd Gurley - Los Angeles Rams
Hurdling in at #14 is Todd Gurley and his tactically-lengthed long hair. Long enough to let it ride, but too short to be easily grabbed while running upwards of 21 mph down the field. Number 30 could rack up 1,500 yards and 6 more inches of hair this season, but hey, it’s week 1. Anything could happen.
13. LeGarrette Blount - Detroit Lions
Fresh off back-to-back Super Bowl wins, LG has a couple of great decorations for his dreads: one with the Patriots, and one with the Eagles, against the Patriots. Maybe Brady misses those lucky locs.
12. Joe Barksdale - Los Angeles Chargers
Longtime Chargers Guard known for his badass locs and musical ability off the field. Joe is far from average, protecting Phil Rivers by day and shredding guitar by night. There’s no way we could not include him on this list.
11. Ryan Hewitt - Cincinnati Bengals
Almost 5 years deep into his hair journey, Ryan Hewitt embodies the essence of a Bengal Tiger. Bengals are powerful and majestic. SO is this dude’s manly mane. Catch him line up against the Colts this Sunday.
10. Shaquem and Shaquill Griffin - Seattle Seahawks
Two brothers, two incredible heads of hair, one team, and one side of the line of scrimmage. These two longhairs have to be the most dynamic duo on the field. Your LITERAL LONGHAIR BROTHER right by you, ready to decleat some short-hair receivers.
9. Anthony Castanzo - Indianapolis Colts
6’7” means that hair to his shoulders would probably get down to El Commish’s mid-back. He’s got the world by the short ones and his Ric Flair WOO face says so.
8. Alex Anzalone - New Orleans Saints
Hot off the IR after an impressive 4 games, this sophomore linebacker is ready to prove Clay Matthews isn’t the only fearsome linebacker with flow.
7. Melvin Gordon - Los Angeles Chargers
One of El Commish’s favorites. Supa Mel’s hair is as noticeable as his explosive speed. Once he gets going, there’s no stopping him. I’m guessing that’s what happened with his hair.
6. Jadeveon Clowney - Houston Texans
There are few presences on the D-LINE as formidable as Jadeveon Clowney. The man has power, and so do those locs! His hair length and sack totals have increased every year since 2014.
5. Andreas Knappe - Denver Broncos
Rumor has it, Andreas was fourth in line to play The Mountain in Game of Thrones. Standing at 6’8” and 325lbs, we’re saying at least 10 of those lbs go to hair. He’ll fit in great in longhairs hotbed, Denver, CO.
4. Josh Norman - Washington Redskins
This star cornerback rose to fame being a part of one of the best defenses of this decade. A short Super Bowl loss later, and he put the shears down. He’s B-lined for full blown locs since 2015. Lake Norman is making serious progress in the hair department.
3. Leonard Williams - New York Jets
Leo has some of the BEST long hair in the NFL. It’s everywhere and he does not give one single knuckle in the ground.
2. Jay Ajayi - Philadelphia Eagles
Not until a British guy dominated American Football did we know it was legal to have locs with frosted tips. Jay Train pushes the boundaries of what it is to be a long hair. Starting his season tonight, we wish the Super Bowl winner a great season.
1. Marshawn Lynch - Oakland Raiders
MY MAN. Hair to set off the Richter Scale. The man rocked thin locs his entire career, retired, and then decided TO UNLEASH THE BEAST and grow longer, thicker locs during his return to his hometown team, The Oakland Raiders. Bonafide longhair.
No, we didn’t forget some of the most legendary locks in football: you can find long hair greats Clay Matthews, Richard Sherman, Domata Peko and many others in our last edition of long hair in the NFL here.
And now boys and girls...it’s time for kickoff. Have a great season, and don’t forget to pay your fantasy dues.
EL COMMISH
He’s here to dictate the rules and make sure everyone plays fair. He vetoed your trade and told you to “suck-it,” and he’s a virtual lock for sacko this year.
*thanks to all-time great sports writer Peter King for letting us borrow “The Fine 15.” It just works.
