The Clip

In Educate by Will Spellman5 Comments

The ‘No Way Am I Leaving My House Today’ Solution to Hair Management

You wake up on a numb cheek and a drool-soaked hand, rub the goop from your bleary eyes, and immediately regret the “final final” from last night.

The clock reads 9:49 AM. It’s Sunday. You’re feeling a bit murky, but mostly thrilled, knowing you have just one responsibility today: sit on your couch and watch football.

Pure relaxation. It’s a wonderful thing. Only there is a problem: your hair is a grease-filled rat’s nest.

Sure, you could throw up a quick high ball and be done with it, but that becomes an obstacle when you lean your head back against the cushions, not to mention the tension headache you’ll have by late game kickoff time.

You could throw on your favorite hard lid, but do you really want to wear a hat inside your house all day?

You could just leave it down, but eventually you’re gonna have to eat something, and hair in your food is well-documented in The Definitive Long Hair Problems For Men.

Now kickoff is in four minutes, you haven’t even had coffee much less prepared any food. To add to your frustration, a thick bang just fell down from the top of your head and slashed open your cornea. What. The. Hell.

Fear not, friend. We have your solution.

Close-up shot of a small, black hair clip.

The Hair Clip For Men

It’s not rocket surgery—a standard hair clip for men is the perfect way to keep those pesky bangs out of your face. What makes it a hair clip for men? The fact that you’re wearing it, though women have mastered this tool for eons.

The clip is virtually tension-free, so you won’t feel your hairline aching, even after hours of having it in. Plus, a pack of five is only a few bucks at your local drug store.

The real magic of the clip is that it works in any situation where you don’t need the formality of a proper long hairstyle, but you simply don’t want hair in your face. It works great after the shower, surfing, walking out of the gym after pulling out your sweaty hair tie, or even for sleeping. Be creative. It’s a versatile tool.

One thing to note: don’t expect any style points from your dog or the postman after you throw the clip in. But who cares, it’s an instrument of utility, not a fashion accessory.

Here’s how to implement the hair clip for men.

Will Spellman reaching behind his head forming a ball with his hair.

Step 1:

With one hand, acquire the desired amount of hair you wish to subjugate, usually whatever tends to fall in your eyes, and pull backwards (not too hard; a little slack ensures all-day comfort).
Will holding the clip in an open position, about to insert into his hair, as demonstrated in The Hair Clip for Men.

Step 2:

With your other hand wield your clip, your trusted weapon against the tyranny and oppression of morning unkemptness.
A hair clip shown securing Will's hair on the top of his head, as demonstrated in The Hair Clip for Men.

Step 3:

Entrap the wretched tendril of unruly hair between its jaws, a couple inches forward from the crown of your head.
A hair clip shown (rear view) securing Will's hair on the top of his head, as demonstrated in The Hair Clip for Men.

Step 4:

Relinquish the clip, fully confident it will serve you dutifully, through touchdowns and turnovers and slices of cold pizza.

Step 5:

Bellow a mighty war cry of victory over the forces of gravity and natural cranial secretion! Hoorrraaaaarrrgghh!
Great, got that out of your system? Then get your ass back on that couch, son. It’s kickoff time.
Got any clip tricks? Share in the comments.

Comments

  1. I don’t think so, but I have lots and lots of the regular sized hair ties and they work great! I like to get all different colored ones and match them to the shirt I’m wearing.

  2. My hair is too thick and unruly to use clips like that. The clips just fall right off. 🙁

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