Fellas, lemme learn ya today.
Lane Pittman here, aka Hurricane Heabanger, and I’m going to tell y’all about a phenom that normal people don’t experience: a bangover.
I have been sober for 25 years, my entire life. But, there is one thing that has always gotten me the morning after a wild night: the “bangover.” This term may or may not be widely-used, but I’d like to think it’s an original.
As a member of the longhaired brethren for over a decade, my head-banging form has been acquired through trial and error. As a result I have suffered many bangovers in my life. After years of waking up with a pounding headache and a sore, strained neck, I’ve discovered some remedies for the day after pain that we call a bangover.
Facing My Bangover Problem
My journey to successful head-banging came to fruition when I began going to the chiropractor. I was getting severe neck and upper back pain from my long-haired hobbies. He took an x-ray of my neck and it was well on its way to bending the wrong way. Like, literally. He told me I had been living with whiplash.
I was in serious shock. Even though the doc said it could’ve been something from my childhood, I knew it was from years of straight sending it when I listened to metal.
How Many Longhairs Suffer From Bangovers?
This wasn’t the only time I encountered the gnarly side effects of the bangover. About a year later, I was hanging out with Randy Blythe from Lamb of God in St. Augustine, FL during their tour with Slayer.
He had his neck all taped up and he was complaining about a sharp nerve pain going down his neck. He said it came out of nowhere when he went surfing earlier in the day. The dude still put on an epic performance despite it.
Later, he ended up taking the same route I did and saw a physician who gave him an x-ray with identical results to mine. It’s a real thing my dudes.
How to Avoid a Bangover
Believe it or not, there is a method to head-banging, especially when you’ve got some extra weight on your dome.
First, you should work out key muscles, like your core. Then, add some type of neck exercise in your routine. You might come off as a tool in the gym, but it won’t matter when everyone else is walking around like the Hunchback of Notre Dame after a night of throwing down and you’re not.
Secondly, it’s in your stance and movement. You can’t expect your neck to take the full brunt of them power-whips, son! Use your full body. Ranging from your feet to head, your muscles should be rocking out in unison.
Lastly, get a good stretch in before going to a show. It helps immensely. Especially if you like to get rowdy in the pit!
Stay true to your body fam. Don’t abuse it! Take care of it and you’ll reap the benefits.
Keep rocking my fellow Longhairs.
ALL ABOARD THE LANE TRAIN
Lane of the Ginger Locks is the YouTube sensation who defiantly hair whipped to Slayer in the driving rain of Hurricane Matthew whilst brandishing an American Flag, circa 2015, and subject of this article with arguably the best headline in the history of articles, Jacksonville Man Shreds National Anthem so Hard, Cops are Forced to Arrest Him. Among other notable achievements he also appeared on The Longhairs Professional Series.