long hair and short shorts

Long Hair and Short Shorts

In Celebrate by El Rubio18 Comments

Blue Skies, Hair Flies

Look guys, long hair and short shorts have some things in common. They’re not exactly conventional, they’ll get you a few sideways looks, and you don’t wear ‘em out on low confidence days.

Long hair and short shorts are for high confidence days. And since long hair isn’t a day-to-day option, you pretty much have to wear it with confidence every day.

It’s possible this correlation goes along with the whole idea of being a little out of the “normal zone.” The idea of being a little weird, a little ridiculous, even borderline inappropriate. To where you might even make people slightly uncomfortable. Look ‘em dead in the eye until they break your stare to look at either your shorts or your hair.

“Yes, my hair is six inches below my shoulders and my shorts are six inches above my knees. They’re planning to meet up in a couple years.”

They may wonder, “is this guy some kind of loose cannon? Like, could he possibly just flip at any given instant?”

Maybe. Don’t rule it out.

Like long hair, short shorts are conspicuous. Noticeable. They’re going to bring some attention and you better be ready to deal with it. It’s kind of like Halloween. Or a holiday sweater party. Or a theme party. Where we try to dress as ridiculous as possible.


Because every so often we need to rage. It’s being the only one at the bar dancing your face off while others stand tapping their foot timidly. It’s digging deep from the diaphragm at the old ball yard bellowing strikes and heckling the road team at full volume. It’s sustained, aggressive hair whipping until the moment just before you pass out.

Why must we rage? Is it because we live in a controlled environment where there are certain expectations about what normal is? Because the sign said you have to have a membership card to get inside? So we can stand in line to pay our monthly insurance premiums??!

Fuck that. I don’t know about you but I don’t want the federal government to know what size shorts I’m wearing.

It stops here, with us. Normal is out, and so are my quads, soaking up cosmic rays, walking with hard swag and looking mean. And no one’s gonna say shit, because a guy with that hair and those shorts has an attitude and an agenda:

“I’m not in the normal zone, and I’m really good with that.”

Of course there is some nuance with “how you wear it.” Beacuse there are some bros who wear their short shorts, or even their long hair with less…gusto. But to each his own, I’m wearing mine with some bravado and a little dash of what the hell are you looking at.

In any case there are some clear similarities between the two. Whatever the reason, the length of your hair and the hemline on your short trousers are directly and inversely related. And these boys over at Chubbies clearly have something figured out.

Then again, maybe it’s not about short shorts at all. Or even long hair. Maybe it’s just about being out of the normal. Out of the expectation. For me it’s long hair and short shorts, for you maybe it’s leather, chains and assless chaps, who am I to pass judgement? We’re all a little different. Some might say freaks.

But the world needs freaks. And a little discomfort.

So hike those babies up a few more inches and let those meat pistons breathe. I’m talking exposure, man, let em loose! We are celebrating that shit. Celebrating the fact that we are a little different. A little weird. A little unpredictable.

Let your hair down. Cinch your shorts up. Get outside and get some sun on those high upper thighs. It’s game time and your number just got called, so step on the field and wear it out. With confidence.


  1. Jake is right. Adidas three stripe shorts were the bomb. In 5h he ’70s.

  2. I feel old. Those aren’t short shorts…you should see what we wore in the 70s and early 80s!

  3. Chris, El Rubio, you are my nephew. I’m Ed Rivers married to Carolynn. Your grandpa, Lowel, gave me the longhair card today, after I told him the following fun story.
    I’m 64 and had long hair in the sixties thru 1998. A couple of weeks ago, a $ reg clerk I met had long beatiful blonde hair. I told him awe man I wish I had long hair again and when I retire I’m going for it. The young guy said yes but that it’s different now, today it represents “long hair don’t care!!” I loved it!!! I told him in my day it was “Far out and solid man!! Power to the ready!!! With two fingers in the air!!!!” He loved it! I can hardly wait to do this again. Love your Web site, your excitement in fostering this important movement. Proud of what you are doing. Power to the ready, got a big hug for you next time we meet. Ed

    1. Author

      Yo Fast Eddy!

      Great to see you on here! Lowell has been on a tear handing out referral cards, glad we got one in your hands finally!

      Thrilled on your interaction w/ the checkout guy, next time you’ll have a card you can hand him. And glad you’re stoked on the whole movement.

      Power to the ready, tio, see you soon!

  4. Hey guys I’m 16 and a month and a half out with my long hair journey, my hairs pretty thin and I’ve been taking biotine and a thickening shampoo, I’ve tried most of them including horse shampoo but my hairs still thin 🙁 any suggestions on how to thicken my hair up?

  5. I always get comments from women that my hair is nicer than theirs! Then I give them tips lol

  6. There once was a time when Ocean Pacific vintage 80’s shorts were the only thing to have on in the volleyball pit…
    STYLE combined with good genetics and sweat/effort…

  7. Can yall make a segment on women reactions to mens long hair thanks 🙂

    1. Author

      Duly noted J Franco. So far the response has been positive. We’ll work something up a little more substantial for ya.

  8. I have a thin hair line but still I am growing hair! I haven’t trimmed it for 2 years now! Need help grooming it!

    1. Author

      You’re on the path, Hairy Freak. Stay the course.

  9. You guys always make me laugh 😉 ! But those are hardly SHORT shorts, surely?!! ‘Short’ is when the hemline and crotch form a straight line……..
    Not much opportunity for shorts here in the UK anyway… 😉

    1. Author

      If we went any shorter we might be incarcerated for indecent exposure. But we appreciate your enthusiasm amigo!

  10. what an idea is it to recycle as a short short the flag of the union? in france, using so with the national colours could send to the court of justice…
    there is more freedom in some countries !!!

    1. Author

      It’s meant no disrespect Chamane! Any chance guys have to wear the American flag on their person, you’ll find it here. Thanks for the comment as always.

Leave a Comment