Long Hair and Short Shorts

Look guys, long hair and short shorts have some things in common. They’re not exactly conventional, they’ll get you a few sideways looks, and you don’t wear ‘em out on low confidence days.

Long hair and short shorts are for high confidence days. And since long hair isn’t a day-to-day option, you pretty much have to wear it with confidence every day.

It’s possible this correlation goes along with the whole idea of being a little out of the “normal zone.” The idea of being a little weird, a little ridiculous, even borderline inappropriate. To where you might even make people slightly uncomfortable. Look ‘em dead in the eye until they break your stare to look at either your shorts or your hair.

“Yes, my hair is six inches below my shoulders and my shorts are six inches above my knees. They’re planning to meet up in a couple years.”

They may wonder, “is this guy some kind of loose cannon? Like, could he possibly just flip at any given instant?”

Maybe. Don’t rule it out.

Like long hair, short shorts are conspicuous. Noticeable. They’re going to bring some attention and you better be ready to deal with it. It’s kind of like Halloween. Or a holiday sweater party. Or a theme party. Where we try to dress as ridiculous as possible.

Why?

Because every so often we need to rage. It’s being the only one at the bar dancing your face off while others stand tapping their foot timidly. It’s digging deep from the diaphragm at the old ball yard bellowing strikes and heckling the road team at full volume. It’s sustained, aggressive hair whipping until the moment just before you pass out.

Why must we rage? Is it because we live in a controlled environment where there are certain expectations about what normal is? Because the sign said you have to have a membership card to get inside? So we can stand in line to pay our monthly insurance premiums??!

Fuck that. I don’t know about you but I don’t want the federal government to know what size shorts I’m wearing.

It stops here, with us. Normal is out, and so are my quads, soaking up cosmic rays, walking with hard swag and looking mean. And no one’s gonna say shit, because a guy with that hair and those shorts has an attitude and an agenda:

“I’m not in the normal zone, and I’m really good with that.”

Of course there is some nuance with “how you wear it.” Beacuse there are some bros who wear their short shorts, or even their long hair with less…gusto. But to each his own, I’m wearing mine with some bravado and a little dash of what the hell are you looking at.

In any case there are some clear similarities between the two. Whatever the reason, the length of your hair and the hemline on your short trousers are directly and inversely related. And these boys over at Chubbies clearly have something figured out.

Then again, maybe it’s not about short shorts at all. Or even long hair. Maybe it’s just about being out of the normal. Out of the expectation. For me it’s long hair and short shorts, for you maybe it’s leather, chains and assless chaps, who am I to pass judgement? We’re all a little different. Some might say freaks.

But the world needs freaks. And a little discomfort.

So hike those babies up a few more inches and let those meat pistons breathe. I’m talking exposure, man, let em loose! We are celebrating that shit. Celebrating the fact that we are a little different. A little weird. A little unpredictable.

Let your hair down. Cinch your shorts up. Get outside and get some sun on those high upper thighs. It’s game time and your number just got called, so step on the field and wear it out. With confidence.