Long Hair in Romance Novels and The Secret Primal Desires of Women

In Advocate by Sarah Fay Schaaf “La Chica Milagrosa”25 Comments

The Secretive Primal Desires of Women

Written By Sarah Fay Schaaf

Have you ever noticed the romance novel book sections at grocery stores? Those racks of paperback books with steamy titles like, “Master of Desire,” and “Savage Thunder?”

If they’ve ever caught your eye, what did you notice?

They All Look The Same!

Almost invariably these books have a consistent formula, featuring men with long, flowing hair and massive, bulging muscles. The women on the cover surrender with vulnerability to her centaur of a hero and everything about her sings, "take me, I am yours!"


The romance novel industry has catered to women for decades, selling books by the millions. Certainly they’ve done their research and they know what their customer wants, right?

Why would they present their material this way? Do you think they have a handle on what women fantasize about?

A woman shopping for Greek yogurt and organic blueberries is halted in her tracks at this book section. Then, for a fleeting moment she is standing on a boat, hair blowing in the salty air with a gorgeous, shirtless sailor embracing her, looking deep into her eyes.



snaps her back to reality. She places the book in her basket, strategically tucked under a Lean Cuisine so she can revisit her fantasy later.


What does the romance novel industry know that you don’t?

Do you want to know what makes a woman completely surrender into your arms? Would you like to be privy to what gets her to let her guard down and willingly give herself to you?

You want to know what really ignites her deep, primal instinct and causes every part of her body to burn with an amorous thirst that must be quenched?

It’s a secret we women keep. However, I am going to let you in on it.

It’s about reminding her of her secret, hidden fantasy. You do this, and she will go wild for you.


What is her hidden fantasy and why is it secret?

Hang on baby, stay with me. I'm going to tell you, because we want you to know.

In our society, women are typically conditioned to go for a man who is clean cut and reliable, who will win the approval of their parents and friends.

Guys with long hair are wild, dangerous and rough around the edges. They look rugged and have the reputation of a heartbreaker.

Even if those perceptions aren’t actually true, we are programmed to believe they are. And we women are smart enough to know that if we fall into temptation and go for them, we are risking both the pain of heartbreak and being frowned upon by family and friends.

Defy Not The Heart

HOWEVER, when a woman leafs through these lusty novels, she can safely play out her fantasies in her mind, without the risk.

But under all that conditioning there is a burning desire that emerged from the beginning of time. In the days of cavemen, Greek Gods and Vikings the woman wasn't looking for a man who mows the lawn, pays the bills, plays video games and fantasy football.

She was looking for a man who would protect her from a saber-toothed tiger, and anything harmful that came her way. A man who would slaughter a beast to feed the village, who would throw her over his shoulder and take her body, mind, and soul in a moment of passion. She needed a wild man.

THAT is why you see cover after cover after cover on these romance novels of men with long hair and women surrendering to them. He is exciting, dangerous and wild, but more importantly he fulfills her secret desire.


Women are different now. Yet, there’s still a part of us who subconsciously want this, and want it badly.

Our primal instinct ignites when we see long, flowing locks, and big, strong arms. When a woman looks at you and sees you are confident in your masculinity as you brush your beautiful hair over your shoulder, this makes her feel sexy.

And guess what guys?

If you make her feel sexy she will want to please you.

You make it about what she wants, what excites her...and she will want, no, she will need to give you the opportunity to fulfill her fantasies. If you fulfill a woman's fantasies, she will desperately want to fulfill yours too.

Do you get me? If you are aware of what women really want, you can fearlessly throw out your own social conditioning of what it means to be a man with long hair. You can provide what women secretly desire.

I am not saying all women want to be thrown over your shoulder. I am saying that if you remain curious about her fantasies (listen and look), focus on what her deep desires are, be bold in who you are and make a real effort to give her what she wants, she will be a magnet to you.


You will be what she thinks about before she goes to bed, when she wakes up in the morning and in her daydream at work.

Turns out the publishers of these steamy romance novels know what they’re doing after all. And that’s why you see Fabio’s manly mane and his counterparts adorned across decades of romance novel covers.

So remember what I am telling you here: grow your hair out, let it ride, build up those guns, and get a new pack of hair ties so you can tie up your sexy Viking braids and man tails sending women into a fury of excitement, not only for yourself—but for us too.


Photo By: Michelle Schroeder

La Chica Milagrosa

Sarah Fay Schaaf is an advocate and mentor for girls and young women, teaching self-worth and true friendships. She is the founder of Miracle Girls and mother of one tiny miracle girl.
Miracle Girls Go

Miracle Girls Go

Miracle Girls offers content and tools for parents of girls to help them nurture positive friendships, appreciate their bodies and cope with the stresses at school and transitioning out of childhood. The result is girls who feel miraculous, know their worth, and whose friendships form a meaningful sisterhood.