Long Hair in Romance Novels and The Secret Primal Desires of Women

In Advocate by Sarah Fay Schaaf “La Chica Milagrosa”25 Comments

The Secretive Primal Desires of Women

Written By Sarah Fay Schaaf

Have you ever noticed the romance novel book sections at grocery stores? Those racks of paperback books with steamy titles like, “Master of Desire,” and “Savage Thunder?”

If they’ve ever caught your eye, what did you notice?

They All Look The Same!

Almost invariably these books have a consistent formula, featuring men with long, flowing hair and massive, bulging muscles. The women on the cover surrender with vulnerability to her centaur of a hero and everything about her sings, "take me, I am yours!"


The romance novel industry has catered to women for decades, selling books by the millions. Certainly they’ve done their research and they know what their customer wants, right?

Why would they present their material this way? Do you think they have a handle on what women fantasize about?

A woman shopping for Greek yogurt and organic blueberries is halted in her tracks at this book section. Then, for a fleeting moment she is standing on a boat, hair blowing in the salty air with a gorgeous, shirtless sailor embracing her, looking deep into her eyes.



snaps her back to reality. She places the book in her basket, strategically tucked under a Lean Cuisine so she can revisit her fantasy later.


What does the romance novel industry know that you don’t?

Do you want to know what makes a woman completely surrender into your arms? Would you like to be privy to what gets her to let her guard down and willingly give herself to you?

You want to know what really ignites her deep, primal instinct and causes every part of her body to burn with an amorous thirst that must be quenched?

It’s a secret we women keep. However, I am going to let you in on it.

It’s about reminding her of her secret, hidden fantasy. You do this, and she will go wild for you.


What is her hidden fantasy and why is it secret?

Hang on baby, stay with me. I'm going to tell you, because we want you to know.

In our society, women are typically conditioned to go for a man who is clean cut and reliable, who will win the approval of their parents and friends.

Guys with long hair are wild, dangerous and rough around the edges. They look rugged and have the reputation of a heartbreaker.

Even if those perceptions aren’t actually true, we are programmed to believe they are. And we women are smart enough to know that if we fall into temptation and go for them, we are risking both the pain of heartbreak and being frowned upon by family and friends.

Defy Not The Heart

HOWEVER, when a woman leafs through these lusty novels, she can safely play out her fantasies in her mind, without the risk.

But under all that conditioning there is a burning desire that emerged from the beginning of time. In the days of cavemen, Greek Gods and Vikings the woman wasn't looking for a man who mows the lawn, pays the bills, plays video games and fantasy football.

She was looking for a man who would protect her from a saber-toothed tiger, and anything harmful that came her way. A man who would slaughter a beast to feed the village, who would throw her over his shoulder and take her body, mind, and soul in a moment of passion. She needed a wild man.

THAT is why you see cover after cover after cover on these romance novels of men with long hair and women surrendering to them. He is exciting, dangerous and wild, but more importantly he fulfills her secret desire.


Women are different now. Yet, there’s still a part of us who subconsciously want this, and want it badly.

Our primal instinct ignites when we see long, flowing locks, and big, strong arms. When a woman looks at you and sees you are confident in your masculinity as you brush your beautiful hair over your shoulder, this makes her feel sexy.

And guess what guys?

If you make her feel sexy she will want to please you.

You make it about what she wants, what excites her...and she will want, no, she will need to give you the opportunity to fulfill her fantasies. If you fulfill a woman's fantasies, she will desperately want to fulfill yours too.

Do you get me? If you are aware of what women really want, you can fearlessly throw out your own social conditioning of what it means to be a man with long hair. You can provide what women secretly desire.

I am not saying all women want to be thrown over your shoulder. I am saying that if you remain curious about her fantasies (listen and look), focus on what her deep desires are, be bold in who you are and make a real effort to give her what she wants, she will be a magnet to you.


You will be what she thinks about before she goes to bed, when she wakes up in the morning and in her daydream at work.

Turns out the publishers of these steamy romance novels know what they’re doing after all. And that’s why you see Fabio’s manly mane and his counterparts adorned across decades of romance novel covers.

So remember what I am telling you here: grow your hair out, let it ride, build up those guns, and get a new pack of hair ties so you can tie up your sexy Viking braids and man tails sending women into a fury of excitement, not only for yourself—but for us too.


Photo By: Michelle Schroeder

La Chica Milagrosa

Sarah Fay Schaaf is an advocate and mentor for girls and young women, teaching self-worth and true friendships. She is the founder of Miracle Girls and mother of one tiny miracle girl.
Miracle Girls Go

Miracle Girls Go

Miracle Girls offers content and tools for parents of girls to help them nurture positive friendships, appreciate their bodies and cope with the stresses at school and transitioning out of childhood. The result is girls who feel miraculous, know their worth, and whose friendships form a meaningful sisterhood.


  1. Love your analysis on this subject! I myself like long haired men, because as you said it is different than what we are used to see in most societies, and I wondered why this style of characters are more and more used in both fantasy and romance genres. Your thoughts on the subject were both refreshing and thought-provoking.

  2. I like long hair on men, because … I like it. Because it’s beautiful. Just like long hair on women. If God (or evolution) wanted men short haired they wouldn’t be able to grow it. My husband’s hair is blond and very long, as it has been for more than 20 years. He isn’t “wild” or primal or edgy or somehow a rebel against society. He is pretty normal, but he has long hair. Because it LOOKS better. I’ll never let him cut it, frankly because I love it that way.
    I would like it if people stopped reading a deeper meaning into everything women prefer. It’s just hair! Some women like their men long haired, or short haired, or clean shaven, or bearded, or blond, or dark haired, or tall, or muscular, or thin, et cetera, others don’t. It’s just preferences.

    1. Hi Lillian thanks for the insight, you make a great point! Glad to have you here.

  3. The problem is that men with long hair do not always get approval. I got married last year, and my wife’s family really wanted me to cut my hair for the wedding. My wife’s godmother offered me a lot of money if I would cut it, but I knew that I wanted to save it for the great cut, so I kept letting it ride. This resulted in her godmother threatening not to show up, and now her biological mother won’t look me in the eye, nor does she look into her own daughter’s eyes for marrying me.

    Thankfully my wife is always very supportive, but it is sad that she had to make the chose me over her relationship with her family. I ended up with the woman of my dreams. She got a man who will stop at nothing to ensure her well being, but there was a heavy price for it. It turned out, for us at least, that making a fantasy into reality was not all sunshine and rainbows.

    1. Cesar, first of all thank you for donating your hair at The Great Cut! We are so grateful, yet sad to hear about the situation with your wife’s family. Hopefully they will come around, but all you can do is be the best husband you can be. We’re glad to have you here man!

  4. Loved this article Sarah! Just enjoyed reading it over a cup of coffee. The article definitely keeps you wanting to read til the very end.

    Personally I have never picked up a romance novel but I agree, they are everywhere!

    You explained it well. I am happily married because my husband listened and paid attention to the smallest details of whatever I said. He listened and showed that he cared. He won my heart. And now I adore the man that he is, all that he did and does for me and I can rest and love him fully ( with or without hair. Lol ).

    You are a true light to this world Sarah! I will have Jim My hubby read this article. Keep writing! And may God continue to bless Miracle Girls!

    Love Erica

  5. I had to convince my wife to let me grow my hair out (See “Do I Really Have to Cut My Hair to Get a Job”), but now that it’s here, she loves it and wouldn’t have me any other way.

    I love Miracle Girls Go! I have a little girl and we’re trying really hard to make her strong, and independent, and unique, not just a prissy princess like most of the television is telling her to be. Yeah, she wears princess dresses, with her boots when she is also playing with trucks! She can already tell there’s something different about her daddy. I’m the only long haired daddy she knows, but she loves it “Daddy has a pony(tail) just like me!”. So we’re trying to grow this understanding that everyone has a right to look and be and do how and what they want whether or not anyone else is doing it, into her own independence as she grows up. Fingers crossed; you’ve got a great resource here!

    1. El Maestro, heck yeah man thanks for writing in! Glad you’re liking Miracle Girls Go, we love it too and support the cause.

      Keep lettin it ride amigo!

    2. Hello El Maestro, thanks for sharing your intentions with raising your strong girl. It sounds great. Remember, you are her biggest influence and what you are teaching her will bring a lot of awareness into her life.
      You mention teaching her to be independent, and being her own person and being a capable person, this is great. Also, keep in mind that we all need community, friends, support and it is a give and take dynamic that is actually very healthy and a lot less lonely than trying to achieve independence meaning you don’t need anyone, you can do everything by yourself.
      Right here on The Longhair’s site we can see how a community is so beneficial to everyone involved. If we teach girls to build a strong sisterhood and to learn how to give and receive in all relationships they have a better chance of being happy and feeling supported. If you want to get deeper into this topic I invite you to see the last Miracle Girls Go post. Thank you for connecting.

  6. Ahhh wildness, so truly sexy! Thank you spreading the good word. Fulfill her fantasy, make her fell sexy, and appreciated, and BAM it will come right back to you. Couldn’t be more true! Love this insightful share.

  7. I really enjoyed reading this article. I think one of the keys to being in a long term relationship that remains passionate over the years is always be open and interested in each other’s fantasies. Of course in order for this to be a reality we must be in tune with our own fantasies. Thank you Sarah for this insightful information which has invigorated my desire to search even deeper into my own fantasies and the why behind them.

  8. Go Sarah Fay!

    Yes, there really isn’t anything sexier than someone in tune with their partners desires. But I’m down with someone fighting a saber-toothed tiger off AND taking out the trash. 😉

    Also… Miracle Girls is a powerful tool for female youth. I’ve seen it firsthand.

  9. I also want to say that Miracle Girls Go sounds awesome. I graduated high school in a small town in Oklahoma; 23 in my graduating class. Half of those were girls; half of those had babies before graduation. There’s a joke (that’s not a joke) – You know you’re a redneck if they have childcare at your junior prom. My niece and my grand niece had babies by age 16. My brother was a grandpa at 41. It don’t know what it’s like in cities and urban areas, but in the rural south it seems like girls are taught that they are nothing without a man, and the way to get one is to get pregnant. (Jerry Springer can tell us how that works out.) It’s great that you’re providing tools and teaching girls self-worth. Keep up the good work.

    1. Reading this brings such sadness to my heart. It also gives me a great sense of purpose and motivation to continue working to bring this program to girls everywhere. Thank you, El Camaleon for sharing what you have seen in your hometown and bringing that perspective to light. Thank you for seeing Miracle Girls for what it is.

    2. in rural areas, much ” dictator fathers” believe that they will control their daughters, and they will never have a boyfriend, and no sex…
      add the” no matter for a contraceptive or sexual information”, the only MD is the family one who has no confidence from the girl…
      then, of course, the absolute reject of any abortion ( and no practicer of it in the local hospital)
      and, as in the USA than in Belgium, the result is the same… mother at 16, grand mother before 35… without known father ( in Europe, sex is legally accepted after age 15 ), and often a life destroyed !!!
      my God, open the parent’s eyes, and help those young mothers…

  10. When a man lets his hair grow out, it’s often described as a journey. Having just gotten past the awkward stage I can attest to that. I wish I could say that there’s empirical data to qualify the changes the journey makes to a man’s life, or that the changes are the same for every man, but for me it was a boost to my confidence. You learn to have confidence that you can buck the trend, you can be different and stand tall, you can conquer the awkward stage!

    I do believe that men are naturally more attractive with long hair. I’m sure those glistening pecs aren’t difficult to look at, but they often come with an attitude that’s not so fun to live with. When the fantasy is over, I suspect it’s the confidence that women are attracted to in a man. Longhair is like steroids for confidence!

  11. Hello Chamane and thank you for reading and for sharing your point of view. It is interesting how you bring up how what we are taught effect how we think we can feel about things. Not allowing society to control ones “sexual phantasms” as you so beautifully put it is important to me indeed. Everyone should feel free to think what they want and feel how they feel with a sense of freedom.

  12. dear Sarah,
    in Europe, where long haired men are more accepted, we don’t have this literature and as a hairy blogger, i often read in comments ” my longhair husband”, or “i would like he growth out his hair”, and, as a longhair man, it’s very easy in the street telling about hair with women ” you have been recognized, princess Raiponce” or give them tips about haircare
    and , in the French Muslim community, very conservative ( the same as American Calvinists) , much women are fascinated of my longhair…for they have very little longhair men in that community
    and i believe that the myth of Samson is very anchored in women’s mind, the same that Mary Magdalena for the men,and much parsons preach that Eve’s snake is hair in fact; they are so scarred their female parishers love Jesus Christ for his hair that thy publish videos ” Jesus Christ was a short haired man”, and they excommunicate longhair men in the name of the apostle Paul …
    in fact, they want control the society by controlling sexual phantasms !!!
    and only romance books are accepted to express that phantasm
    growing out his hair is effectively a transgressive act and an insurrection against all the conservatisms for a man !!!
    the same as buzzing her hair for a woman ( but accepted in the name of charity…)

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