Bullies and Boys With Long Hair

In Advocate by El Rubio153 Comments

A candid examination of bullying, gender norms and selfless acts of kindness

It Started With Arthur

We were completely unaware of this topic when we started The Longhairs, or how important it would become.

For us it started with Arthur, whose mother Mae wrote us a letter about how he would get picked on by kids and harassed by adults for his long hair. But it was only after he was diagnosed with the rare Kawasaki Disease, and fought from life-threatening fevers, that his mother allowed him to grow his hair freely, after which he stormed through physical therapy and grew into a healthy, flourishing, talented boy with long, flowing locks.

Her letter was so heartwarming we were compelled to publish Arthur’s story on our website in our first article on boys with long hair, Little Guys With Long Hair.

Since then we’ve had a lot of moms write us. Some ask for tips and advice for dealing with their sons’ hair, but many have told us about their little boys being bullied and harassed.

Little Longhair Arthur

They’ve turned to us looking for guys who are “cool,” to show their sons that lots of regular guys grow their hair out, and show them there’s a supportive community where it’s ok for boys to have long hair. Many of their comments can be found on Arthur’s post, but some were sent in direct emails or messages.

For all the moms who have written in, we know there are many other parents facing the same ordeals, the helpless feeling of knowing their little guy is out there getting bullied for being different.

This topic goes far deeper than bullying, from kids, adults and external expectations of parents, to forced cutting, gender norms, kids who grow their hair for donating to charity and much more.

 

In this feature we go beyond the bullies and boys with long hair, tackling these issues head-on, highlighting some of the key layers on the topic and showing what’s happening out there. Citing comments from moms who have written in, interviews, curated content from around the internet, outside research and our own experiences, we aim to shed light on this subject, open a discussion, and show all the boys out there they finally have a place to go.

Our goal is simply this: to help boys with long hair, their parents, outsiders, and the rest of the world see that it’s ok to be different.

#doitfortheboys

 

Bullied For Their Long Hair

As we all know and many have experienced, kids can be cruel.
Here we’ve compiled a number of instances of boys getting bullied for their long hair.

Bodi, Adin and Isaac

Our first example is from a March 2017 video that went viral when a young boy, Bodi, describes how kids make fun of him for his long hair. His father Isaac, who posted the video, asks him how it made him feel, to which Bodi replies, “It makes me sad,” but, “I let it roll off my back.”

Isaac goes on to explain to his son how lots of people get made fun of, including himself for his tattoos, but that just because you’re unique and don’t look like everyone else, doesn’t make you weird, or that being different is a bad thing. Bodi concludes that being different is a good thing, it means you think different from other people, to which his dad warmly encourages him.

In an interview with CBS News about the video, Isaac is quoted, “I want Bodi to understand that he can affect the way other people act as much as he can effect the weather, so don’t place your emotional well-being in the hands of other people.”

Turns out Bodi has a twin brother, Adin, both of whom are growing their hair to donate. You can visit the original Facebook post with over 200 comments here.

In her original letter to us, Arthur’s mom Mae describes his experience with bullies:

Kids who are his age and younger are fairly easy going about it; they mistake him for a girl no matter what he is wearing, but when he corrects them they move on with their day. Everyone plays, has a great time, and forgets about the hair.

Unfortunately, older kids, even if they’re only a year or two older, have a much different outlook. Some kids think it’s funny to keep calling him a girl, some insist only girls can have long hair so he must want to be a girl, and some tell him they are ‘creeped out’ by long hair on guys.

Fortunately, Arthur has a few responses when other kids harass him:

1) He reminds them that this is his body and he likes his hair the way it is. If they don’t like long hair, they don’t have to have it.


2) He reminds them that popular characters like Thor have long hair. And if they’re really rude, he reminds them that religious figures like Jesus had long hair, so either they’re just being rude or Jesus creeps them out.

She goes on to explain the difference when adults make comments to Arthur, including a specific instance we’ll come back to shortly.

 

In a comment on our website, ‘Mommy of Samson’ wrote to us:

There have been times he has gotten upset, because kids will relentlessly argue with him about his gender (I know, right?). But I remind him that both girls and boys can have short or long hair, and to use it as a reminder to not judge others by their appearance, but to get to know them for who they are on the inside.

Mica, another mom commenting on our website, writes:

The most annoying part for my youngest is not when they mistake him for a girl, which they almost always do, but when they then profusely apologize for getting it wrong. He’s like, “Got it, now we can all move on without all the apologies [insert eyeroll from him].”

In an interview for this piece, MeMarie explains what happened to her nephew:

My nephew wanted to be Captain Jack Sparrow [from Pirates of the Caribbean] when he was little, and he insisted his mother let him grow his hair. But when he got to grade school he did a complete 180 because of the bullies, and came home ready to cut it. No more long hair.

Then there’s Christian McPhilamy, a 6-year-old who was inspired to grow his hair by an advertisement for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, so he could donate it to kids with cancer. Despite being bullied about his hair for 2.5 years, he reached his goal of donating 10 inches to make wigs for children. More on donations later in this piece.

Adults Making Comments

Kids may be kids, but it’s an entirely different story when adults harass boys about their hair.
Here we recap cases of adults, strangers and even family giving kids grief about their long hair.

Mae tells us about her experience with a man at the grocery store:

When adults heckle him, I step in immediately. No kid should be confronted by rude, antagonistic adults! I remember an event that happened in 2014 that still burns me up. An elderly man was complimenting Arthur on his good behavior in a very long grocery line. He mistook Arthur for a girl and I quietly and politely corrected him. Most people just make an honest mistake – they’re so used to the overwhelming majority of long hair wearers being female that they jump right to that conclusion.

But this man…this man was so rude. He heard me, looked right at Arthur and told HIM, “tell your mom to cut your hair so you’ll be a real boy.”

You can read her response in the full post, but she wasn’t happy! She adds:

That jerk of a man was one of many, both men and women, who have taken it upon themselves to put their gender bias onto my son, but thankfully most people keep it between me and them. And I have no problem pointing out the utter ridiculousness of their bias.

 

 

In an interview for this piece, Shayna told us about her son Liam:

There was an older gentleman in the grocery store who called him a little girl. I didn’t pay much attention and we went about our business, later I asked Liam if he had noticed. His response was simply, “I know I’m a boy,” and that was the end of that.

‘Mommy of Samson’ shared her story:

And ever since the beginning of his life, he had been mistaken for a girl every opportunity anyone had to address it. Including people that had been told previously that he was a boy. At first I didn’t correct anyone, and he was too little to understand anyway, but as he got older, I became bolder with how I handle the comments, and now he handles the situation himself.

Even grandparents and family. In a comment on our website, Brittany related to us:

My in-laws have made plenty of inappropriate comments. That he looks like a girl, that he NEEDS a haircut, etc. His own grandparents. Most everyone else either ignores or compliments his hair – except the receptionists at my husband’s work who point-blank ask me, “Why does he have little girl hair?”

From another comment on our website, Mark’s grandson gave in to the pressure:

The last time I called my grandson, I wanted to tell him about my day of being harassed at work about my hair, by a fool and how I handled it. I thought it might help because I knew he was catching his own grief and I wanted to reassure him and help him stick to HIS desires and no one else's. I was about two days late, because my 8-year-old grandson had just caved a couple of days before for the same reasons: peer pressure and relentless harassment, and was now in the throes of “buyer's remorse.” Like many of the other [commenters on the blog], even his “great” grandfather was taking his name and turning it into a girl's name. So my little guy will wait for another day to express himself the way he feels is right, if in fact he really still feels he is a longhair.
Shayna and Son
 

 

In, 8 Things That Happen When Your Son Has Long Hair, Michelle Horton describes the comments she constantly hears with her son:

"Oh she's so pretty!" a wide-eyed man stopped me in the grocery store, genuine and sweet. I looked at my boy, dressed in a blue Transformers T-shirt and jeans, smiled and moved on.

My eye doctor looked at him and asked, "How old is she?"

The cashier at a local deli remarked on how adorable "she" is.

I've found that having a long-haired boy means struggling with whether to correct a stranger and engage in some awkward explanation/apology/reassurance, or to hope the person stops talking and moves on.

What we found interesting about these cases, is while we thought kids being bullied by kids would be the most pervasive problem, by far adults making comments to parents and their kids has been the most common scenario parents have told us about.

 

Boys Forced To Cut Their Hair

Bullying is one thing, but there have been many instances of kids having their hair cut forcefully against their will.

This is a horrifying video of a kid apparently named Dillon Grims, who is forced to cut his hair at a barber shop. It’s difficult to watch the agony unfold, but worse is how everyone in the room is treating it. The kids filming the video and the barber repeatedly antagonize him throughout the ordeal, unmoved by his pleading cries.

I have a personal experience with my hair being cut against my will.

When I was a freshman in high school I was on the JV football team. At the time I had a peculiar long hairstyle where most of my head was shaved, with the exception of the bangs in the very front, which were permitted to grow down past my chin, forming a “tail in the front,” of sorts. A curious choice perhaps, but it was my hair and I was into it.

I was a pretty small kid, 100 lbs with rocks in my pockets, maybe the smallest on the team. They called me Flea, an endearing nickname, but not one you’re gonna feel too fond about nonetheless.

One afternoon before a game, the older guys on the team surrounded me in the locker room, several grabbed me and physically held me down. As I fought and screamed in protest, one guy produced a pair of shears and ceremonially cut my tail off. They taped it above the exit doorway and everyone slapped it on the way out for “good luck,” and to them it was all in good fun.

Ok, it was only three or four inches of hair, but it wasn’t fun for me. I remember choking back tears as guys walked by callously reprimanding me to “suck it up Flea, it’s for the team,” and further antagonizing me now for my emotional response.

Trust me, when you’re 14 and having enough trouble as it is, the LAST thing you wanna do is cry in the locker room. I tried to hold it back, but it was a feeling of complete powerlessness, being physically restrained while having something taken from me that couldn’t be given back.

 
 

 

Longhairs Respond to "Stop the Knot"

Then there are these guys who went around cutting people’s hair off. Turns out it was just a publicity stunt, the men whose hair they cut were in on it. In any case, we didn’t know that nor did we think it was funny, and we issued a response.

In all fairness they did publish an apology video, demonstrating how the “victims” were in fact friends and it was all an elaborate hoax, and the guy even cut off his mustache in apparent reparation.

Nonetheless, at the time we believed it to be true, and along with these instances there are surely others.

Gender Norms and Boys With Long Hair

If we haven’t gotten deep enough yet, there’s another thick layer on this issue.

Boys should have short hair, play with trucks, GI Joes, wear blue, hunt, fish and play sports.

Girls should have long hair, play with dolls, tea sets, wear pink, cook, raise kids and take care of the household.

In a comment on our website, ‘Mommy of Samson’ reflects:

Now besides the journey of having a little man being called a girl almost on the daily, I myself as an adult, mother, and member of society, have learned a lot about our culture in general.

My son has gone through many phases during his little life of things he is into, such as Dora the Explorer, cooking, babies, and even a short lived My Little Pony phase. Now for some strange reason, those are a few of many things that are very much only manufactured for a specific gender, being female. And it makes me wonder, who on earth decided which gender should enjoy what? Why is pink only meant to be enjoyed by girls? And very obviously splashed all over everything that is meant to only be enjoyed by girls?

Who decided that little boys have to buzz their heads in order to be seen as masculine?
Or play with monster trucks?
Or with “action figures” instead of dolls?

Why does my little boy have to defend his masculinity because he has a long braid down his back?

Just questions I have asked myself and maybe we as a society should be asking. In my opinion [this] needs to be reevaluated, considering from the beginning of human existence men didn’t cut their hair, but somewhere along the line we have decided that it is no longer acceptable.


In January 2017 National Geographic published a special issue: Gender Revolution, an excellent collection of articles, studies, scientific research and interviews with children from around the world.

Without diving deeper than we need to here, there are a few notable articles in this special issue relevant to our topic.

In, “Girls, Boys and Gendered Toys,” Natasha Daly cites a study in which Sociologist Elizabeth Sweet analyzed more than 7,300 toys in Sears catalogs from the past century. Her findings showed that gender-targeted toys have ebbed and flowed since 1925. “Toy ads from the 1920s to the 1950s pushed traditional roles: the ‘little homemaker’; the ‘young man of industry.’”

The 1970’s saw a major decrease in gender-specific toys, attributed in part to the “second-wave feminist movement in full swing,” with “only 2 percent of toys in the 1975 Sears catalog marketed explicitly to boys or girls.”

In the 1980’s, however, with deregulation of toy advertising and the advancement of ultrasound technology, “gender distinctions resurged in children’s goods, especially clothing.” By the end of the 20th century, “the roles were simply more fantastical: The homemaker was the princess; the carpenter; the action hero.”

You can read Daly’s full article, where she considers the potential consequences of gender-targeted toys, but also offers signs things may be changing. It’s posted under an alternate title, “How Today’s Toys May Be Harming Your Daughter.

In “Color Code,” Catherine Zuckerman describes South Korean photographer JeongMee Yoon’s “Pink and Blue Project,” where Yoon aims “to show the extent to which children and their parents, knowingly or unknowingly, are influenced by advertising and popular culture.”

“Blue has become a symbol of strength and masculinity, while pink symbolizes sweetness and femininity,” Yoon is quoted. Her polarizing photographs depict boys and girls, including her own daughter, in their respective bedrooms amongst all their clothing and possessions. For the girls it’s overwhelmingly pink; for the boys, blue.

The article asserts the United States has played a significant role in the gender-color identification, “fueled by the pervasive color palettes of Barbie, superhero movies, and other staples of American childhood.”

You can find Zuckerman’s full article and Yoon’s project under the alternate title, “Pink and Blue: Coloring Inside the Lines of Gender.

While neither of these articles speak directly to boys with long hair (or girls with short hair, for that matter), the themes are easily linked, and this groundbreaking special issue in NatGeo thoroughly and fearlessly tackles these and a full spectrum of gender issues.

In other examples of parents questioning traditional pre-established gender norms, Michelle Horton writes:

Having a long-haired little boy means inevitably explaining gender norms and why, exactly, people think he's a girl. It highlights how young these gender stereotypes and identities start, and how effortlessly they're drilled into our littlest kids' minds.

On our website, Brittany commented:

My five-year-old daughter’s hair is the exact same length [as my son’s] and no one ever says it should be cut “to get it out of her eyes.”

I was at the store with just my nine-month-old daughter and an older lady came up and said, “What a cute girl. She is a girl, right? Nowadays, you can’t tell.” I nodded and smiled, fully aware that she was talking about boys like my son.

He is happy, he is healthy, and he is loved. He doesn’t need his hair cut to match his genitals for the sake of people in the grocery store. They don’t need to know. It doesn’t bother me. I’m not offended when they can’t tell. I’m not offended if they guess incorrectly. It only bothers me when they tell him or me to cut it.

A family known by the lovable moniker, ‘Chloe and Beans’ created a notable Facebook page and YouTube channel featuring their family’s fun yet hectic lives with six kids.

On Facebook the family posted, ‘LITTLE BOYS HAIR 101,’ a list of various observations and comments about having three boys with long hair. A few of it’s points:

Sometimes people tell us it needs to be cut off because it's too heavy, uncomfortable, too hot or unclean when it's long; if that's the case, I'm just wondering why we shouldn't shave girls' hair off too? Is it because boys are allowed to be more comfortable than girls? And girls should sacrifice comfort for aesthetics?

Imagine your daughter says "I want to grow my hair!" And then you say "TOO BAD" And shave it off while they scream and cry. Would that be nice? I don't think it would be.

I have no problem with people simply assuming wrongly that my boys are girls. It happens 99.9% of the time when we are out and I just say, "oh, they're actually boys" and the kind people say "oh okay, oops!" and the [jerks] say "BOYS? ARE YOU SURE?" ...Yes I'm sure.

Whatever your disposition, the comments and the information presented raise questions, some of which are answered in the research, but many which aren’t:

  • Where have these gender norms come from?
  • Why are boys supposed to play with trucks and action heroes, while girls play with dolls and kitchen sets?
  • Why is pink feminine and blue masculine?
  • Why should girls have long hair, and boys short?

And maybe the most important question for us, from ‘Mommy of Samson,’

Why does my little boy have to defend his masculinity because he has a long braid down his back?

We don’t have the answer to that one. But I know some guys who’ll be willing to help.

Whose Choice Is It?

The question that keeps coming up. Should kids be allowed to decide their own hair length? Or should the parents decide?

On one side we have seen people questioning parents for letting their boys grow long hair. And of course there are many parents who simply won’t allow it.

There may be plenty of good reasons why. Every parent has their own upbringing, biases, experiences and beliefs. In most instances, parents just want what’s best for their kids.

Mae even said before Arthur grew his hair out,

I didn’t want him to have to face bullies, to be questioned by adults, to be judged for his choices…

Who can’t respect a parent who wants what’s best for their son?

On the other hand, there’s the camp who believes it is their kids’ hair, and therefore it is the kid’s choice.

Brittany feels it’s her son’s decision:

I haven’t cut it because it isn’t my body/choice. When it comes to healthy, safety, etc. I step in. But just stereotypical aesthetics? I absolutely allow autonomy. The day he asks for his hair cut, his hair will be cut. Personally, I can’t wait. I don’t grow his hair out for ME. I don’t enjoy the extra work of conditioning and detangling a mop on an octopus. But I can’t bring myself to pin him down and force him to undergo a haircut that he doesn’t want for no good reason.

 

Shayna feels similarly:

I’m surprised people have so many questions, like “when am I gonna cut it,” and “how long am I gonna let it grow?” I just tell them it’s his hair, as long as it’s not distracting at school he can do what he wants with it. Now he’s learned how to brush it and take care of it, it’s his responsibility and he can handle it.

Also, because I’m a stylist there’s a presumption I’m dictating his hair length. If it was up to me I wouldn’t keep his hair like that! It’s his hair, he can do what he wants with it.

‘Chloe and Beans’ posted:

My 3yo and 4yo boys have told me they want to grow their hair, why shouldn't they be able to? Some kids don't like having their hair cut. My kids don't like having their hair cut. They get really upset about it actually. I don't want to upset my children.

And Michelle Horton writes:

"Don't cut it," he pleaded last summer. "I want to grow it long, like John Lennon. PLEASE MOM, PLEASE!"

I was quick to cut his baby hair, and then to buzz his toddler hair, but who am I to argue? He likes to twirl his hair before falling asleep, and he wanted to see how it would look. And so we went for it.

 
 

 

In our own experience, we even had a young guy write us directly, asking:

What do I do if my parents are the ones wanting me to cut it? Any advice on how to convince them to let me continue to grow out my hair?

This put us in an interesting spot. We’re not here to interfere with parenting, so we offered him a suggestion which conveniently sums up our position:

First off is being respectful to your parents under any circumstances. Talk to your parents about it. Ask them what bothers them about your long hair. There could be any number of reasons, but really listen to them. The next step is to demonstrate a high level of personal responsibility. That could mean getting good grades, doing your chores, always being on time for things, making it home before curfew, helping with responsibilities around the house, holding down a job, submitting your college applications, keeping your room clean and hundreds of other things. If you can show that you have taken ownership over your life and your responsibilities, the topic of long hair becomes secondary. Or at least it gives you a strong platform for your long hair argument. We advocate for men with long hair. We claim that you can be a successful businessman, working professional, family man, or anything you might want to become with long hair. The only reason we need to make that claim is because there is a pervasive stereotype that men with long hair are lazy, slackers, hippies, slugs and slack-jawed wasteoids. Unfortunately generations before us might have perpetuated that stereotype. But the only way we can break it is by actually demonstrating we’re not those things just because we have long hair. Clearly demonstrate a high level of responsibility, and most parents will soften up on the long hair.
 

 

So whose choice is it? At the end of the day, we’re not here to answer that question. But doing your chores definitely won’t hurt.

Kids Donating Hair To Charity

With the dark side of bullying and kids being forced to cut their hair,
there are seemingly endless heartwarming stories about boys growing long hair for a selfless cause.

In a recent news story that went viral, the Kannisto family with SIX BOYS, along with their mother, Phoebe, cut their hair for Children with Hair Loss, donating over 17 feet in total amongst them.

In another video, then 10-year old Damian Carrano shares how he started growing his hair after meeting a girl with ocular cancer who couldn’t grow hair. He describes getting bullied by the football team and in Mixed Martial Arts training, but he completed his mission to grow it out and cut it for kids with cancer.

Tyler Boone grew his hair for two years and cut it specifically for his friend with alopecia: Boy Grows Hair for 2 Years, Donates to Friend With Alopecia

Earlier you saw Christian, who despite being bullied grew his hair for 2.5 years and donated it. There was also Bodi, growing his hair to donate along with his twin brother Adin.

Boy Hair Donation

With these there are hundreds more stories of boys, men and women growing their hair in acts of kindness and compassion.

What We Know

After reviewing the literature, there are a few things we know.

Boys are getting bullied for having long hair.

Many times it’s by other kids, but seemingly more often by adults. And for some reason elderly men at grocery stores appear to be notorious perpetrators. In some cases kids are even getting their hair cut against their will.

Parents have found themselves having to answer questions about the length of their sons’ hair. In some instances they’ve felt the need to defend their sons from more aggressive comments.

Gender norms are a pervasive influence in our culture, to which kids are exposed from birth. This certainly has an impact on many aspects of their lives, perhaps far deeper than we understand.

Some parents are down for the long hair. Some aren’t. Some say it is their kids’ choice, others will enforce stricter grooming guidelines. Each has their own prerogative and the right to raise their children in the best way they see fit. In either case, it’s not for others to question.

There are a lot of kids out there with big hearts, and hell if we shouldn’t encourage them to perform acts of kindness, compassion and selflessness, often in the face of bullies, harassment and ridicule.

For Our Part?

And what do The Longhairs say, you might ask?

We Stand for the Little Guys

We want them to know we are here. And if their parents will allow us to speak to them:


Yo Little Dude!

We think your long hair is cool. Pay no attention to the bullies and the naysayers.

Anyone can have short hair. It’s takes something special to have long hair.

It means you’re different. And it’s ok to be different.

It means you are confident in who you are. You’re not bothered by what others think. You believe in yourself.

It means you are down for the flow, bro! And we’ve got your back.

So for every bully who makes fun of you, or says you look like a girl, or gives you grief about your hair, just know there is a community of tens of thousands of men and boys with long hair right here.

They’re big and small, old and young, every color of skin, from every background. They are football, baseball and basketball players, world-changing scientists, CEOs and business professionals, drummers and musicians, action sports heros, US Presidents, courageous warriors, entrepreneurs, fashion experts, coffee roasters, custodians, architects and everything under the sun.

They’re from California to New York, Florida to Washington and everywhere in between. They’re from Australia and India, Canada and Malaysia, Saudi Arabia and Sweden, Peru and Pakistan. There’s at least one on the tiny island nation of Mauritius off the coast of Madagascar; we know because we sent him a pack of hair ties.

That’s only the short list, because there are men and boys with long hair all around the world. And they’re regular guys. Who choose to be different.

We may have nothing else in common with any of those guys...but we all have long hair. And it means something to all of us.

So keep lettin’ it ride, kid. Here’s to hair whips and high fives.

For Those Who Donate

Hats off boys, we encourage and support you in your cause. Because contrary to popular opinion, Longhairs Do Care, which is the name of our charity outreach program where we donate $1 from every sale to charity.

Not only that, in March, 2019, with help from sponsors, hair professionals, volunteers and hair donors, The Longhairs broke the Guinness World Record for the largest hair donation in history, with 339 pounds of hair and over $25,000 donated to Children With Hair Loss.

It was The Great Cut, and we're doing it again in 2024.

 
 

To the Bullies and the Naysayers

Amazed you’ve read this far, but to each his own. Live and let live. Everything is going to be alright.

To The Reckless Haircutters

All we can say is what we said to Derick Watts & Co., and we’ll say it again here:

“The Longhairs vehemently denounce the unwilling and unlawful cutting of hair from any man’s (or boy’s) head in any form whatsoever.”

For The Parents

While respecting the wishes of all parents, we staunchly believe men and boys should wear their hair however long they choose.

For those who allow your sons to grow it out we give you all the credit in the world. You’re the ones who may be taking the risk of subjecting your boy to bullies and harassment. You’re the ones answering questions at the grocery store. You’re the ones dealing with a rat’s nest of hopeless tangles bonded firmly with a perfect blend of playdough and mud.

For that you deserve some credit.

A mother wrote us anonymously for this piece:

Running into your site has given me a great boost of confidence on what I do with my son. There were moments when I would see him get bullied and I would question if I’m doing right. But seeing there is another side to this madness gives me much hope.

We stand for the moms and dads, too. When you need tips and tricks for your little guy. When you need a special message for your son about his hair, like other moms have. And hopefully, when you need that boost of confidence.

You are part of this community. So please feel welcome here and visit often, we’ll help if we can.

Free Pack of Hair Ties For Guys™

And just to put our money where our mouth is, we’ll start ya out right here with a free pack of the finest men’s boy’s hair ties in the world. No restrictions or conditions apply.

For The Boys

After publishing Arthur’s story, Mae wrote to us:

If boys who are facing ridicule for their hair could hear words of encouragement, support,
and acceptance from men who share their love of long hair, I think it would go a long way to boost their self-esteem.

We hope we’re doing it.

 

 

Who Are These Longhairs?

The Longhairs is a global fraternity for men with long hair. We publish tips and tactics for guys with locks, interview successful professionals with flow, and celebrate men’s long manes with hair whips and high fives.

Advocate. Educate. Celebrate. Because long hair...long hair lives in the heart.


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Comments

  1. One of life’s greatest joys has been watching my boys evolve into the kind-hearted individuals they are. Though they share a love of hunting, fishing and the outdoors, each has his own unique passions, and each has his own unique look.
    Monday evening, my 10 year old dried tears as I pulled his hair back into a knot before he ran into ballet class. It was a rough day. He was stressed over school (in which he does really well), kids questioning and pulling his (long) hair, and just feeling generally overwhelmed, different, and out-of-place. As he left class that evening and we walked to the car he said, “Mom, I love dance class. It calms me. I forget about the world. It’s like, good for my soul.” [I can see how he got the nickname, “Hippie”, which he really doesn’t mind.]
    Today, as I observed him from the mezzanine above at his rehearsal for The Nutcracker I thought, ‘I need to find a better way to tie back his hair as my “up-do” may contribute to him being mistaken daily for a girl.’ So, I Googled ‘how to tie back long hair for boys’ and I found your site. Wow. My husband, sons and I have spent much of the remainder of the day reading your blog, watching tutorials to learn new hair styles, and laughing over daily challenges others also share like being referred to as a sister, daughter, or girl, and feeling sad over the bullying other young men have (and still do) endure.
    Overall, Caden has been fortunate to be surrounded by accepting adults who nip bullying in the bud. That said, your website gave our son an air of self-confidence I haven’t seen in awhile. Thank you for that. I will do my best to increase awareness of the great things you are doing.

    1. Rachel thanks for sharing your story and really glad our site brought the family together for some quality reading and entertainment. That is just SO AWESOME! Warms my heart. Truly appreciate the kind words and we’ll keep puttin’ out the positive messages. Please tell Caden we said hello and that we fully got his back, he’s going to be a rock star in his Nutcracker performance 🙂

  2. Hi there!

    So happy I found this site.It has given me so much info on my sons life with long hair.I learned a lot with dealing with the naysayers and how to react(a really big help).Thanks for being here 🙂

  3. I love your site! I have a 4-year-old who loves his long hair and will not cut it for anyone; it is who he is. I am using this article as a basis for a paper I am doing for school as it hits so close to home. Thank you for being there to support the little dudes!

    1. Author

      Hi Laura, so glad you found us! Will be interested to hear how the paper comes out, please share. Give your little guy a high five from The Longhairs!

  4. Hey Longhairs!

    Just stumbled across your blog and am SO happy I did!

    My son Eli stopped getting hair cuts almost two years ago.

    His last one was so upsetting that his Dad & I sat down that night to discuss why’d we even done it.

    We decided that his next cut would be on his terms.

    He’s now 4 years old with hair down to his waist.

    Like everyone in your post we get the questions. It makes me sad that people are so heavily committed to societal gender norms that they’d bully a child.

    Until that changes we continue to support our son’s choice and show him pics of longhairs like Jason Momoa, Thor, and Dad’s friends (from surfer days).

    Thank you for speaking up.

    1. Author

      Hi Karla, what a fortunate stumble to have brought you here! Glad you and your family have found us, hope you find some other great content on the website and visit often.

      Thanks for taking the time to write in. Please give Eli an epic high five from The Longhairs.

  5. My four year old, Michael, would love some Free Hair Ties for Little Guys! Thank you for supporting this movement. There is nothing wrong with a male having long hair. Keep rocking it little men!

    1. Author

      Thanks Tiffany! Sent you an email direct, give Michael a high five from The Longhairs.

  6. We have two boys (9 and 7) who now both have long hair. The older is more sensitive to comments from others and while he tried growing it out once he always kept it short (though he like his cousins’ long hair). Our youngest we didn’t think would grow his out but one day he said that he did want to. It blew us away when (just after turning 6) he said he wanted to do it to donate to kids with cancer. Cancer runs through our family and while we don’t have any friends or family currently dealing with that, he had it in his heart to do it. Now 1.5 years later he’s below the shoulder and is going to go as long as he can.

    Ever since growing it out he’s been mistaken to be a girl, especially on the soccer fields. Greatest moment ever was the first time and when we asked him what he’d say he said “I’m a boy, dude!” During all the time of mistaken “she” or “are you really a boy?” comments, he’s stood strong through it all. So strong that it had an impact on his older brother who said he’d be too embarrassed to. Just getting through the awkward stages, he too is on the road to growing for donating and is looking forward to being able to fully pull his hair back into a man bun, haha (it’s darn close).

    Thanks for this post; I never really thought much about it before as hair has always just been hair for me (oh what I’ve done). But it’s sad that kids have to deal with negativity from friends, family, and strangers (all of which our kids have endured too). Thanks for standing up for the little guys!

    1. Author

      Great to read your story here, Justin, thanks for sharing. Hope y’all will consider joining us as we set out to break the world record for the largest hair cutting for donation in history. More info to come, but you can find preliminary info on The Great Cut here. Also, sent you an email for a free pack of hair ties. Give our best to your two guys, we got their backs!

  7. I have a 11 year old son who has long hair. He loves his long hair. He went to catholic school and was allowed to wear his hair long without any issues. I would keep it in a pony tail or sometimes he would wear it out. He was known for his long hair. He is now in middle school at a different catholic school where they want him to “trim” his hair. That will happen over my dead body. I told the dean of discipline that is NOT AN OPTION, I’m prepare to fight for my son’s rights. I told the dean that Jesus Christ had long hair and was not told to cut it. His hair is clean, neat and in a pony tail that touches his collar. My son knows have to respond to people that call him a girl; he knows mom has his back and will not back down. I

    1. Author

      We have his back too! Sent you an email for the hair ties. There are other moms and boys going through the same situation. You can read more over here. Thanks for reading and wishing you a positive outcome, please do keep us posted.

  8. My son asked to grow his hair long shortly after turning 4. He’ll be 5 in a few months and he is now being mistaken for a girl. I agree that the most rude comments come from adults! They are actually angry over it which I will never understand. I love my son’s beautiful curls, short or long. I just want him to be himself. This article was encouraging. Thank you.

    1. Author

      Glad you liked the article Jennifer! Sent you an email for the hair ties. Thank you for reading!

  9. I am 38 years old. I’ve had many hairstyles through my life. Bowl cuts, mullets, shaved head, mohawks, spike hair, sideparts, pompadours, slick backs and now finally long 80s metal hair that’s I’ve always dreamed of. Now, my own son who is 3 years old has hair passed his shoulders. Been growing his hair since he was 1 years old. He is part Native American and filipino. As long hair is part of his culture. I couldn’t imagine having to have him cut his hair. He won’t even get a trim. Kids should be able to grow their hair any way they want without any restrictions. To be kids- wild and free seeking out their own adventures being carefree. Let them be free to be kids as we all once were.

  10. My awesome almost 4 year old nephew has the most gorgeous long curls and people (including our own family members) are always asking his mom “When are you going to cut it??” She likes it and most importantly he likes it.. so the answer is when and if he wants to! Thanks for what you are doing!!

  11. This is the article I needed to read. I was just looking up what to say to people who comment on my sons hair. He asked to grow it almost a year ago and I just said sure. Now I’m constantly getting complaints from all the older men in our family. He’s so happy with his hair. And plans to donate it when he’s ready to cut it, in honour of his uncle who died this year. Your article gave us lots of things that we can say to people and how to arm our Jensen with the best tools on what to say.

    1. Author

      So glad to hear this Natasha! Hope you and Jensen will consider joining us for The Great Cut. Give him a big high five from The Longhairs!

  12. My 5 year old has been growing his hair out for about a year now, so he’s in the awkward phase. Not that he knows it’s awkward…it’s just his hair :). He regularly gets people (including other kids) assuming he’s a girl, but so far it doesn’t bother him, he just corrects them. It’s weird how hair seems to be the gender marker that trumps all other gender markers. He can be wearing full-on traditional boy-signifying stuff (black sneakers, camo shorts, t-shirt with trucks on it) and yet it’s the hair that people use to decide. He hasn’t been bullied yet – when another kid assumes he’s a girl and he corrects them, so far the other kid just says “oh” and they carry on playing. Not sure what will happen once he starts public school this fall, however. Anyway, thanks for your page and this post!

    1. Author

      Hi Cheryl, thanks for writing in and sharing! Glad to hear about your experiences here, please stay in touch. Also sent you an email for the free hair ties. Best of luck going into school this fall.

  13. Wow! Thank you. I’m so tired of my son being shamed for having long hair. I’m tired of the snide comments. I’m tired of him being called “she” when he’s clearly dressed as a boy. I’m tired of him questioning himself because he feels like he needs approval from others.

    Revolution!

  14. This is AWESOME! I’m the proud mom of a newly-minted 6th-grader, who came home on day 2 of school asking to get a haircut because he got teased in science lab for his long hair. My heart aches for that tough position, and (once I talked him off the ledge) we loved watching your ads and reading this post. Thank you for validating the youngsters out there who are wiser than their years and happen to think long hair is cool!

  15. Hey guys my son is 4 years old his hair right now is almost 10 inches long his daddy has a man mane at almost 34 inches! I (daddy) have been growing my hair with my son for the last 4 years since his birth I have no intention on cutting it and neither does he, my wife has been a huge supporter and we are a proud long hair family! Cheers to your outreach on the Texas children and standing up for what is right!

  16. Thank you for this article. My 8 yo son has never had a real haircut, only trims to get rid of dead ends. His hair is past his waist now. His hair is actually longer than myself & both of his older sisters.
    Originally it was my choice to not cut his hair, it was just so blonde & wavy & he looked like a mini surfer. When he was 3 his hair was past his shoulders & everyone (including my mother, even though my dad has long hair) encouraged me to cut it so he would “look like a boy”. I talked to him about cutting it & he cried & hid, so i didn’t push it & let him keep growing it.
    Everywhere we went people said “what a beautiful little girl”, it was annoying, but I just smiled & said no, he’s a boy. Mostly the adults would apologize, but some just kept calling him she/ her, those are the people who are the most irritating.
    When he was 5 & went to kindergarten was when the real bullying started from kids. From 3-5 he was in prek and the kids all asked “is that a boy or girl” were told once that he’s a boy & moved on to being friends, but apparently kindergarten is different. The kids (mostly the boys) were ruthless, always calling him a girl. Unfortunately that school wasn’t very good dealing with bullies & suggested I cut his hair to stop the torment, um no!
    For 1st grade he was in a new school. He was again bullied by the boys, but this schools teachers/ admin didn’t allow it to continue & in fact encouraged him to keep his individuality and let him know it was ok for him to stick up for himself. 2 months into first grade he tested out and they moved him to second grade! The kids in that grade were pretty accepting of his hair on a boy.
    3rd grade he had more problems with girls bullying him over his hair, which was very strange, but he handled himself well.
    He turned 8 In July. He still has no intention of cutting his hair. He loves baking, video games, space science, coding & animals. Adults don’t think he’s a girl as often, even though his hair is constantly pulled back & braided. My mother still sometimes makes comments to him like “when are you going to let me cut your hair?” He just looks at her and says “never mommom” rolls his eyes and walks away.
    We went to teacher meet n greet the other day & walked in & his new teacher said “you must be Harrison”. He wanted to know how she knew him. She told him they told her mini einstein would be in her class this year. That made him happy!
    It’s been a long hair road so far & I don’t doubt he’ll still have problems, but at least he’s sure of himself & knows he has people on his side who accept him for him, no matter the length of his hair!
    Thank you!

    1. I’m proud of you, Harrison. I think you’ll have a bright future. Never cut your epic braid, and keep letting it ride with pride.

  17. This was an amazing post. My 4 year old has hair past his shoulders and would love to have some of the free hair ties. I will read him some of this post as well, I’m not sure he’s ever met another boy with long hair. Thank you for the post!!!

  18. My son and I are both currently in the awkward phase (sumo top-not territory).

    The bad part is that my 5 year old daughter already somehow (maybe TV) has the notion in her head that boys can’t have long hair. There are subtle cultural reinforcements to the “boys have to have short hair” narrative everywhere in our society.

    1. I am very grateful to have stumbled upon this blog! I have a 2.5 year old boy with long hair. I have no intention of getting him a haircut until he tells me that he wants one. But kids and adults (family included) who are anti long hair on boys are without question relentless. I’ve been overly polite and I’ve not even corrected most strangers when my son is mistaken for a girl. But I know the longer he has long hair the worse it’s going to get…it’s a comfort to find a community of people with sons who have long hair. We should create and host a convention for boys with long hair, if that isn’t already a thing!

      1. Author

        It’s not already a thing, but it should be!

        Glad to have you here Aimee, please make sure to get your free pack of hair ties for Junior.

  19. I have a 4 year old who’s growing out his hair and he’s in the awkward stage from an undercut (he can put it in a top knot/high ball) . I have long hair past my shoulders. I love that he continues to want to grow it out. We do get occasions where people think he’s a girl but he doesn’t care or notices those and we support him in his journey. He’ll be starting preschool next month and hope he doesn’t experience any bulling from other kids. He’s really social and we haven’t see kids comment on his hair being long, it’s mostly adults which is odd. Great post and great content! I’m letting my 1 year old son to grow out his hair too like his dad and older brother. Moms very supportive since she’s a hair stylist.

  20. Hey guys, thanks for all you do. Both our boys (2 and 3) have long hair and they love it. We’ve got their backs, and it’s so nice to know that you do, too. We’d love some hair ties if you still have some, but also want to share these clips and headbands for other parents looking for gender-neutral or “boyish” hair management options for toddlers/kids: http://etsy.me/2xz1EO8 and http://etsy.me/2xz7P4W.

    There’s so much to say on the topic of boys with long hair, but I want to share an unexpected benefit of the experience that I really enjoy: Helping our kids (learn to) maintain their hair gives their dad and me an extra opportunity every day to be in contact and gentle with them. Washing, brushing, braiding…it’s an important chance to touch and show them affection and care (even when they’re complaining!) that we’d otherwise miss out on.

    Peace.

    1. Author

      Thanks Valerie, we sent you an email for the hair ties. Thanks for reading and writing in!

  21. at that adress a relation of what kind of freedom there is in Texas: http://www.insideedition.com/headlines/25098-school-blocks-4-year-old-boy-with-long-hair-from-attending-its-outrageous-and-outdated
    at 4 years, it’ s scandalous !!!
    must the family converse to sikh religion or to the House of David for their son be respected?
    don’t tell us more of liberty !!!you’re unable to establish it in your own country !!!
    in other time, did the american people take the guns for less !!!

  22. My son is 11 and has had long hair most of his life. He has recently been talking about cutting it off before starting middle school. He said he is tired of being bullied & told he looks like a girl. I stumbled upon your website and read him the letter above. He was really stoked to know that other boys (and men) are empowered by their long hair and said that he felt better about not cutting it now. Glad to see you have a some articles about what our younger guys deal with having long hair… it’s important that they know, long hair does not determine their gender. Bravo! Hope you will continue to expand on this, as well as offer younger boy products like hats or t shirts! Cheers to you!

    1. Author

      Hello Jeni! So glad you found this. Pretty much gave it all we got on this one. Give your guy a hair whip and a high five from The Longhairs!

      Oh and we do have hats and t-shirts! We have the tank tops in women’s too if you want to rep The Longhairs.

      Thanks for writing in!

  23. Hey, I am the father of two boys 10 and 14. They are quite different as the older one is a swimmer and has super short hair. About a year ago my youngest, Elio decided he wanted to grow out his hair long enough to pull back. It has been a long struggle with other people wanting him to cut it, and he is just into the awkward length of it in his face but not quite long enough to pull back. I heard about your site from Side Hustle School and came looking for boys hair bands and content for him to read and connect with.
    Thanks for providing this needed resource!

    1. Author

      Glad to have you here Nathan, thanks for commenting. Tell Elio The Longhairs are hair whippin for him!

      1. Author

        We’ll send you a direct email w/ instructions! Keep an eye out in the next day. Thanks for commenting!

  24. This is one of the best blog pieces I’ve read in a long time – great job, guys!

    I’m in the process of growing my own hair out – almost 10″ now! My shoulders are getting itchy in anticipation. Since starting this journey and dealing with tons of criticism from guys at work and family, I applaud any man/boy of any age who decides to let it ride. Even before reading this, if I saw a boy with long hair, I would make it a point to compliment them – “awesome hair, little man!” Or something similar and not creepy.

    It’s interesting how the gender stereotypes are so ingrained in kids. My oldest daughter (5) tells me I look like a girl. My wife and I have never tried to teach her that boys have short hair and girls have long. She recently wanted to get a shorter cut so my wife took her to get it cut and now her hair is shorter than mine. It was a perfect teaching experience about how she can have short or long hair and so can a boy.

    Anyway, thanks again guys for great content like always.

    To any man or boy growing it out – do it! Don’t listen to other people’s nonsense.

    Can’t wait until a few more inches so I can try out the awesome hair ties you guys came up with!

    1. Author

      Matt, thank you man! Appreciate the kind words and telling us about your experience. Punch it into the endzone man!

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